Okay. Haven't thought of a catchy title yet. That will wait to the end. Well, I'm attempting to get back in a routine. This past week I had the awesome opportunity to go to Washington D.C. as a chaperone for the second year in a row. This year I slept much better. Anyway, it was extremely difficult to keep up a workout schedule on the road. I was able to run once, kind of, I had to walk because I can't hold a conversation and run at the same time. And I lifted once. So coming back to good ol' Indiana made me a little apprehensive this week to start running again. Especially the previous seven days. Last week was awful. I am pretty sure that even my fingertips hurt when I ran. It was bad.
Wednesday this week I decided to hit the treadmill. Of course, like every week, I needed to increase my time. Anxiety was with me like the plague. I seriously had some concern which could be equated to the same kind of nervousness in my stomach when I would start my first game of the season. But after a quick pep talk I got on and was able to keep going. Friday came, got super anxious and somehow managed to run through my time.
I think what becomes difficult for me is the fact that I still don't see myself as a runner. I reach those points of desperation when I just want to yell, "For the love, when is this torture going to be over!!?" So then those questions come up, why am I running? Why am I doing this? I don't really enjoy feeling pain in my calves or dote in the fact I am just trying to make it from minute to minute.
It wasn't yesterday, but there are days that I just feel like crying when I run. I'm not really a "crier" either. My body just wants to yell... I can't do this! I don't want to this! Just stop! Who thought this was a good idea? What are you doing? You are not a runner!
It was after my run on Friday that I realized something though. It's not that I'm not a runner, it's just I haven't practiced my entire life. This is new for me and despite the fact I've worked out the majority of my life, I'm doing something different. For those of you who have the pride to say that you are a runner, you just feel good when you run, congratulations. As for me, it will take time. I AM a runner, maybe not a good one, professional one, or a seasoned one, but I am running. It's time that I see myself that way.
This revelation has given me spiritual insight. Funny how God teaches me lessons by having the same idea occur and appear several times before I finally get that He is trying to teach me some spiritual truth. It's like becoming a Christian or trying to overcome some stronghold in your life. It's difficult at first to see that you are indeed a new creation. {Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 2 Corinthians 5:17} That's the awesome power of God's redeeming love. It's funny how God is showing me this too, because my devotions this morning were about overcoming unbelief. Huh. Interesting. Okay God, get it. Now it's time to practice that truth.
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