The other night for our date, Galen and I went to see Tangled. We hardly ever go to movies, but the sweet happily ever after princess movie in 3D just seemed impossible for us not to go. Well, me anyways. Like many fairy tales twisted with the Disney spin, the fair maiden was born with magical power, stolen as a child, locked in a tower, raised by another woman, is mistakenly found, escapes the tower and is reunited with her real parents... and of course, lives happily ever after. Not with Prince Charming though, a former thief.
Anyway, not the point. So this blog isn't to be a critique on the movie, however, it was very enjoyable and the music was good. This blog is intended to reveal the message I got from it. At the end of the movie, when Rapunzel is finally reunited with her royal parents, there is a moment where they stare at each other in a surreal sort of way. After a few seconds, mother and daughter hug and dad quickly joins in. There is weeping and smiles. Except it wasn't just the cartoon characters who were weeping. I was a red hot weeping mess.
Last week, after going to a friends candle party, I met a woman and I was talking to her about my miscarriage. She shared with me a story about a boy who died. He had appendicitis and died. Fortunately, he was able to be revived. After coming back to, the little boy was able to tell his parents what he had seen. He met poppy (a beloved relative in which the child never met on Earth). The other surprising revelation was that when he came back he asked his parents if they knew that he had a sister. He said that he had met her and she had told him that she had to leave when she was in her mommy's womb.
If I haven't explained myself clearly enough, let me do that now. I feel in some ways that my baby was taken from me. And I know where my child is currently, not wandering in space, not stolen, nor locked up in a tower somewhere, but in Heaven. Anyway, what hit me was seeing Rapunzel reunite with her parents. I realized, in such a transparent way, that I too would be reunited with my child. Maybe tomorrow, maybe 50 years from now.
Watching that movie really reassured me and I continued to realize that I can have hope. Not only hope to go to Heaven some day, but hope to see my baby and get to know him/her. This revelation became so obvious and real to me that that is the reason I sat there and cried. I am so thankful for that hope, without it, I don't know how I could heal.
Rasler Ramblings
Monday, December 6, 2010
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Being grateful
The intention was to write this blog closer to the end of November to sum up how I'm thankful for so many "things". But it's already December, so I'm behind. It is what it is. :)
Christ. Without trying to sound like some cliche Christian who thanks God for everything, I want to really write my genuine feelings. Not that there is anything wrong with people who are thankful to God, but I want to perhaps be a little bit more specific and explain why. When I think about what Christ has done for me, died in my place, it's hard to reason. I don't understand why Christ loves me (and you) so very much, because I know me and I'm not very lovable (if I'm honest with myself). I am just so thankful that I can do NOTHING to earn my salvation, but humbly and simply accept it as a gift alone. What amazing freedom and grace God has extended to me. No matter how often I saw this to people or on facebook or whatever, I want to say it again. Christ's death and resurrection is a tremendous gift. Him choosing the cross in hopes that I (and you) may believe in Him and be able to spend eternity with the very one who created me is... incredible. My words are lacking the expression I was hoping for, but I hope you can gather what I'm trying to say. Anyway, the day I stop showing my gratitude for this act of kindness is the day I've forgotten how truly wretched and unrighteous I am and lost sight of just how holy and perfect my God is. So it is with that that I am thankful for Christ for the ultimate gift and I attribute the rest of the "things" below as abundant blessings from Him.
Husband/Family. I am so thankful for Galen. Wow. He's just the best kind of guy you can get. He is truly my best friend. Before we dated, we were friends, and that was one of the coolest aspects about dating. I just got to hang out with this guy who made me laugh, who I made laugh and yet could talk about the craziest topics together. He is so not like me. He is better. When I think about how he should react to: what I said or what I did he always surprises me. Instead of being angry, he is understanding; instead of walking away, he is understanding and listens; instead of trying to talk his way into an answer, he just holds me; instead of being stressed out, he prays.
My family and his family have also been such a great blessing. Our families have just been a tremendous support to us as we got dated, got married and went through so many other stages in our lives. They continue to support us and show us what marriage is really like and what it means to stick it out - even when it gets difficult. They have both shown us what it means to be generous, what it means to think of others first. I find myself blessed to have the parents I do and to have the in laws. I am also so incredibly thankful that this time of year isn't miserable for me. It can be for a lot of people, but I truly enjoy my family, my in-laws and outlaws, too. :)
Things. I have been so convicted about this list I'm about to share with you. I find that I have many tangible things to be thankful for and I quickly realize that I am not concerning myself enough with other people and their needs. This year: God blessed us with renting a house cheaper than our apartment, a dog (who has been truly a blessing and helped me with healing), dishwasher #2 :), more clothes, a new camera, a car that still runs (9 years and going strong), a warm home, a getaway to Chicago, a vacation to Florida, extra hours for Galen to work, a gym membership, a job for me that I love, plenty of Christmas decorations, internet at home, food in the cupboards and so much more.
Miscarriage. I have to be very careful when I put this under my list of things to be thankful for. Please don't misinterpret this placement. I never would have chosen to go through what I have, it has been painful and difficult in so many more ways than I realized. But because of what I went through, I have certainly learned so much. Mind you, I am still healing, I'm still dealing with my loss, and I still find it heart-wrenching to be around babies and pregnant women. However, my eyes have been opened. I would still not classify myself as a compassionate person (there are so many more who are better at it than me!), but I feel that I can empathize so much more with people. People who've lost a loved one, women who've lost a child, or people who have depression. If you don't know me by now, I'll tell you that I'm very independent and stubborn. At least up until the last couple of months. I've had to let some of that go because I knew how broken I was and I couldn't afford people not to help me. I've been humbled by the generosity of others. The fact I could pride myself on working out 6-7 hours a week quickly became the sad reality of being lucky to put on my sports bra. My heart and compassion have grown. I understand why people who are depressed can't just do it. (I never would've gotten it before, like I said, I was a driven, independent, "want-it-fixed-do-something-about-it-kind-of-person". Sometimes it takes everything I have just to make it through the day. Some days I feel like an outcast. In my group of friends, I don't belong to either of the groups that exist. Those that want and have children or those that aren't ready to start a family. What about me?
So I have learned what it feels like not to belong - to question how you fit in even with the people who accept you. I've learned that it feels nice to be checked up on once in awhile. It feels nice to have people listen to you and not tell you anything more.
The journey has been painful, but what is done is done. Through this hurt, I can rest in the fact that I will see my baby again some day and spend time with him/her for all eternity. I know my baby is safely resting in the arms of Jesus.
I am blessed.
Christ. Without trying to sound like some cliche Christian who thanks God for everything, I want to really write my genuine feelings. Not that there is anything wrong with people who are thankful to God, but I want to perhaps be a little bit more specific and explain why. When I think about what Christ has done for me, died in my place, it's hard to reason. I don't understand why Christ loves me (and you) so very much, because I know me and I'm not very lovable (if I'm honest with myself). I am just so thankful that I can do NOTHING to earn my salvation, but humbly and simply accept it as a gift alone. What amazing freedom and grace God has extended to me. No matter how often I saw this to people or on facebook or whatever, I want to say it again. Christ's death and resurrection is a tremendous gift. Him choosing the cross in hopes that I (and you) may believe in Him and be able to spend eternity with the very one who created me is... incredible. My words are lacking the expression I was hoping for, but I hope you can gather what I'm trying to say. Anyway, the day I stop showing my gratitude for this act of kindness is the day I've forgotten how truly wretched and unrighteous I am and lost sight of just how holy and perfect my God is. So it is with that that I am thankful for Christ for the ultimate gift and I attribute the rest of the "things" below as abundant blessings from Him.
Husband/Family. I am so thankful for Galen. Wow. He's just the best kind of guy you can get. He is truly my best friend. Before we dated, we were friends, and that was one of the coolest aspects about dating. I just got to hang out with this guy who made me laugh, who I made laugh and yet could talk about the craziest topics together. He is so not like me. He is better. When I think about how he should react to: what I said or what I did he always surprises me. Instead of being angry, he is understanding; instead of walking away, he is understanding and listens; instead of trying to talk his way into an answer, he just holds me; instead of being stressed out, he prays.
My family and his family have also been such a great blessing. Our families have just been a tremendous support to us as we got dated, got married and went through so many other stages in our lives. They continue to support us and show us what marriage is really like and what it means to stick it out - even when it gets difficult. They have both shown us what it means to be generous, what it means to think of others first. I find myself blessed to have the parents I do and to have the in laws. I am also so incredibly thankful that this time of year isn't miserable for me. It can be for a lot of people, but I truly enjoy my family, my in-laws and outlaws, too. :)
Things. I have been so convicted about this list I'm about to share with you. I find that I have many tangible things to be thankful for and I quickly realize that I am not concerning myself enough with other people and their needs. This year: God blessed us with renting a house cheaper than our apartment, a dog (who has been truly a blessing and helped me with healing), dishwasher #2 :), more clothes, a new camera, a car that still runs (9 years and going strong), a warm home, a getaway to Chicago, a vacation to Florida, extra hours for Galen to work, a gym membership, a job for me that I love, plenty of Christmas decorations, internet at home, food in the cupboards and so much more.
Miscarriage. I have to be very careful when I put this under my list of things to be thankful for. Please don't misinterpret this placement. I never would have chosen to go through what I have, it has been painful and difficult in so many more ways than I realized. But because of what I went through, I have certainly learned so much. Mind you, I am still healing, I'm still dealing with my loss, and I still find it heart-wrenching to be around babies and pregnant women. However, my eyes have been opened. I would still not classify myself as a compassionate person (there are so many more who are better at it than me!), but I feel that I can empathize so much more with people. People who've lost a loved one, women who've lost a child, or people who have depression. If you don't know me by now, I'll tell you that I'm very independent and stubborn. At least up until the last couple of months. I've had to let some of that go because I knew how broken I was and I couldn't afford people not to help me. I've been humbled by the generosity of others. The fact I could pride myself on working out 6-7 hours a week quickly became the sad reality of being lucky to put on my sports bra. My heart and compassion have grown. I understand why people who are depressed can't just do it. (I never would've gotten it before, like I said, I was a driven, independent, "want-it-fixed-do-something-about-it-kind-of-person". Sometimes it takes everything I have just to make it through the day. Some days I feel like an outcast. In my group of friends, I don't belong to either of the groups that exist. Those that want and have children or those that aren't ready to start a family. What about me?
So I have learned what it feels like not to belong - to question how you fit in even with the people who accept you. I've learned that it feels nice to be checked up on once in awhile. It feels nice to have people listen to you and not tell you anything more.
The journey has been painful, but what is done is done. Through this hurt, I can rest in the fact that I will see my baby again some day and spend time with him/her for all eternity. I know my baby is safely resting in the arms of Jesus.
I am blessed.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
25 Things You Didn't Know About Me
While driving tonight, I was thinking of a list of things that maybe make me a little unique. Here are 25 things. No matter how well you know me, you are bound to learn something new!
1. I like to live caffeine free as much as possible.
2. I have lived in the Southern half of the hemisphere.
3. I have stuck my hand in a tarantula hole... on purpose.
4. I married my high school prom date and my prince Charming (I know barf). :)
5. I have two different thumbs. One is a hitch hiker, one is straight (is that what you call it?)
6. I could live on protein and dairy the rest of my life.
7. I regularly drink between 1 1/2 - 2 gallons a week of skim milk.
8. Middle school was the worst time of my life.
9. I teach middle school.
10. I have white hair(sss)
11. I have eaten bakers square chocolate... and I liked it.
12. I LOATHE scary movies.
13. I am more content in silence than constantly listen to music.
14. When I was in kindergarten, I used to wake up before school everyday and ask my mom if I could watch "The Caddy" with Jerry Lewis. I still don't know why.
15. I am not tickalious (how on earth do you spell that??)
16. I have lost a child.
17. I have a tattoo. I would like to get another one.
18. In high school, the hardest class I took was U.S. History. I didn't like the teacher, either.
19. Mrs. Mehl became my favorite teacher and I teach Social Studies.
20. I got married at Christmas because it's my absolute, most favorite holiday.
21. I love to play board games and card games.
22. I am competitive.
23. My favorite color is glitter or anything sparkly.
24. I still drive my first car that I owned when I was 16.
25. I asked for a dishwasher for my 16th birthday and got one!!
1. I like to live caffeine free as much as possible.
2. I have lived in the Southern half of the hemisphere.
3. I have stuck my hand in a tarantula hole... on purpose.
4. I married my high school prom date and my prince Charming (I know barf). :)
5. I have two different thumbs. One is a hitch hiker, one is straight (is that what you call it?)
6. I could live on protein and dairy the rest of my life.
7. I regularly drink between 1 1/2 - 2 gallons a week of skim milk.
8. Middle school was the worst time of my life.
9. I teach middle school.
10. I have white hair(sss)
11. I have eaten bakers square chocolate... and I liked it.
12. I LOATHE scary movies.
13. I am more content in silence than constantly listen to music.
14. When I was in kindergarten, I used to wake up before school everyday and ask my mom if I could watch "The Caddy" with Jerry Lewis. I still don't know why.
15. I am not tickalious (how on earth do you spell that??)
16. I have lost a child.
17. I have a tattoo. I would like to get another one.
18. In high school, the hardest class I took was U.S. History. I didn't like the teacher, either.
19. Mrs. Mehl became my favorite teacher and I teach Social Studies.
20. I got married at Christmas because it's my absolute, most favorite holiday.
21. I love to play board games and card games.
22. I am competitive.
23. My favorite color is glitter or anything sparkly.
24. I still drive my first car that I owned when I was 16.
25. I asked for a dishwasher for my 16th birthday and got one!!
Friday, November 19, 2010
the last {five} months.
I had an idea to write tonight. But I have to admit, I kind of feel like I did in high school when I was assigned to write some 5 page research paper on some absurd literary topic and I was intimidated at a blank, white empty word processor. Of course, the only difference now is, I don't have to do this, it's not for a grade, but nonetheless, I'm at a bit of a loss on what to discuss.
Ideas such as... updating my life (since it's only been 5 entire months) or how about what I am thankful for since it's the month of November (really original, huh?) Well, I'll get around to the latter in another blog, but I think I will try to give you a concise update on my life the past 5 months.
Unbelievable. When I think about the last 20 plus weeks of my life, it has gone by in a whirlwind. My best friend got married, I went on a week long youth conference and had my spiritual butt kicked, slept in a cardboard box for a night, visited a Buddhist temple (to learn about it), I officially hurt my knee and had to stop running, gained 5 lbs (grumble...), found out I was expecting, started my 4th year of teaching, had a miscarriage, spent my 2nd night ever in the ER, stopped working out all together, went on prescription medication for the first time in my life, struggled to find passion, gained 5 more lbs, missed some school, went to Chicago, saw Lion King, took a lot of photos, escaped into my world of creativity, and bought a new camera.
You know I hate to think that within 6 months this year, I've gained nearly 10 lbs. I'm attempting to get my life back in order now, but I can tell you, it's so difficult. Working out has never been such a drag for me as it is currently. That is part of the reason that I am on anti-depressants. For the majority of my life, I have enjoyed being active. Weightlifting, dancing, boxing, cardio routines and at one point, running have been an important part of my life. Exercise has been one of my biggest stress relievers, been my way to work out my emotions and burn off any steam (not that I ever get frustrated :)
This year for the first time in my life, I have been overwhelmed by the thought of going on a walk, let alone the IDEA of anything else physical. It has been a tiring journey. Of course I'd like to do more, but I can't. And I've never felt that way before. I've always been a loner when it has come to working out. I don't like to socialize, but I like to go and workout hard. Now, the thought of going by myself is overwhelming or defeating. Never have I depended on other people to keep me accountable to go to the gym like now. The doctor prescribed some medication at least until winter is over. I have to admit, I am getting better, I'm now up to working out for 30 minutes 3 times a week (which is about 4 1/2 hours less than what I was used to). I am drinking about 2 - 2 1/2 liters of water everyday again. Slowly, but surely I am coming around. Everyday working out is a battle and this nasty cold weather and few hours of precious sunshine is intensifying my struggle.
My motto recently has been "here's to tomorrow, may I do more than I did today."
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
It was only a matter of time....
... until I hurt myself. And I'll admit it was probably by my own unexperienced, stubborn will that did it too. The last couple of weeks I didn't really work out - I was trying to get school over with and my best friend was getting married. Those aren't complaints, but sometimes you want to get those other events crossed off your list before you decide to tackle something new. I was tired and I just felt if I could get through the Civil War Day, the last test, turning in books, the bachelorette party and the wedding, then I could really take some quality time and focus on my exercise.
So last week I decided to go on a run, not even a long one. And by the end I felt great, or so I thought. I have no idea what had happened, I just know that by the time I reached my front porch steps my right knee felt uncomfortable and queasy. I still haven't figured out if queasy is the right word to use, but it's just about the only word that seems to illustrate how my knee feels. It felt like it could just give out at anytime. There really wasn't any pain, although when I straighten my leg out it gets to be a bit painful.
The next day I decided to go on an even smaller run and I felt good. I was fine and I was pushing myself and my time. But by the last 1/2 mile that same queasy feeling quickly returned to my right knee. Frustrated I came back home and took Ibuprofen. I decided to take the next couple days off (I was busy decorating and running around for the wedding anyway) and I'd see how it felt the following week.
That leaves me at today. I was going to start out easy in my 3 mile run and just after a 1/2 mile I was done. My knee told me "I don't think so" and so trying to have some wisdom, I listened. I walked a little bit longer and then decided it would be better to turn around and come home. It didn't take very long for me to start limping. I have such a hard time discerning if I'm being a wimp or I'm being wise. It was really humbling to have to walk the rest of the way home by neighbors who were out mowing their lawn and others who were on their way to work. Whether they are judging me or not (most likely they probably didn't even notice me) there was nothing I could do to change my circumstance.
I'd be lying if I wrote that I wasn't discouraged or frustrated or even just mad at myself for taking a break for the past 3 weeks. It's frustrating because I can tell I'm having a harder time already finding my rhythm in running and I'm needing to build up the mental strength yet again. But I can't change my circumstance and I can't ignore it by continuing to run in pain. My tenacity won't let me fall by the waste side. I'll be back in it. I am GOING to run this 1/2 marathon in September. It just means I'll have to be more focused and maybe a bit smarter when it comes to starting back up again.
So last week I decided to go on a run, not even a long one. And by the end I felt great, or so I thought. I have no idea what had happened, I just know that by the time I reached my front porch steps my right knee felt uncomfortable and queasy. I still haven't figured out if queasy is the right word to use, but it's just about the only word that seems to illustrate how my knee feels. It felt like it could just give out at anytime. There really wasn't any pain, although when I straighten my leg out it gets to be a bit painful.
The next day I decided to go on an even smaller run and I felt good. I was fine and I was pushing myself and my time. But by the last 1/2 mile that same queasy feeling quickly returned to my right knee. Frustrated I came back home and took Ibuprofen. I decided to take the next couple days off (I was busy decorating and running around for the wedding anyway) and I'd see how it felt the following week.
That leaves me at today. I was going to start out easy in my 3 mile run and just after a 1/2 mile I was done. My knee told me "I don't think so" and so trying to have some wisdom, I listened. I walked a little bit longer and then decided it would be better to turn around and come home. It didn't take very long for me to start limping. I have such a hard time discerning if I'm being a wimp or I'm being wise. It was really humbling to have to walk the rest of the way home by neighbors who were out mowing their lawn and others who were on their way to work. Whether they are judging me or not (most likely they probably didn't even notice me) there was nothing I could do to change my circumstance.
I'd be lying if I wrote that I wasn't discouraged or frustrated or even just mad at myself for taking a break for the past 3 weeks. It's frustrating because I can tell I'm having a harder time already finding my rhythm in running and I'm needing to build up the mental strength yet again. But I can't change my circumstance and I can't ignore it by continuing to run in pain. My tenacity won't let me fall by the waste side. I'll be back in it. I am GOING to run this 1/2 marathon in September. It just means I'll have to be more focused and maybe a bit smarter when it comes to starting back up again.
Human
Human. That's what I am through and through and would like to just be allowed to be human for a few brief moments. Why did I decide to do this? How am I going to run 10 more miles?? Why is this still difficult? How come I wanted to give up today? How come my whole body hurt? How COME THIS ISN'T EASY YET??!?!
Please don't feel compelled to text me the cliche if it was easy, everyone would be doing it. I know that's true but that doesn't take away the reality that today was difficult and I have a case of "human". I want luxury, I want to be this easy, I don't like pain! But yet, I know that's what it takes to get to where I want to go.
I'm not even going to respond to my complaints - I already know - I just need to vent.
**That's about as far as I got when I got up to get a drink and Galen, my dear husband clicked out of the internet. This was supposed to posted about 5 weeks ago. WHOOPS :)
Please don't feel compelled to text me the cliche if it was easy, everyone would be doing it. I know that's true but that doesn't take away the reality that today was difficult and I have a case of "human". I want luxury, I want to be this easy, I don't like pain! But yet, I know that's what it takes to get to where I want to go.
I'm not even going to respond to my complaints - I already know - I just need to vent.
**That's about as far as I got when I got up to get a drink and Galen, my dear husband clicked out of the internet. This was supposed to posted about 5 weeks ago. WHOOPS :)
Monday, April 26, 2010
Beaming like an idiot. =)
I can't believe it. I did it - I ran 3.01 miles today. I feel like the inept kid in an art class full of brilliant designers and creators who when I go to show my work is just beaming with joy as all the other individuals are trying to discern what it is I created. But I don't care. I ran 3.01 miles - I didn't stop - and so as silly the accomplishment maybe, it has been accomplished :)
And I have to say thank you, to all of you silent observers/readers out there, your encouragement has inspired me and it's kept me honest. I started this blog a couple of months ago to just document my running experience and have in turn been blessed by so much encouragement, so thank you for the text messages, the wall posts and stopping me to ask me how the training is going. I genuinely appreciate you all. :)
I've been beaming all night like an idiot, but I don't care :) Anyway, today's lesson things can be accomplished and it would be silly for me to leave it at that. The lesson truly is you can do anything through Christ who strengthens you. Somehow that truth was unveiled and became very real to me tonight. Yesterday's sermon used that passage in Mark to help us understand about getting in shape. My pastor asked us, what is it that masters you? Chocolate? Diet Coke? Coffee? Shopping? Ice Cream? Gambling? Alcohol? Porn? And he talked about the importance about taking to heart what it says in Mark 10:27 "Jesus looked at them and said, 'With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God'." He went on to say, we as Christ followers believe in the power of God, but don't believe that power is for us. We go around thinking that God has the power to heal others, but we've tried it and it doesn't work. Well that makes us a bunch of Christian atheists!
I had that feeling tonight - like truly anything is possible because God has gotten me through it. I was in soccer and I can guarantee that I never ran for 30 minutes straight - I had a softball coach who would have made a better cross country coach and we never had to run close to 3 miles. So at the age of 25 I'm doing things I haven't done before. That got me thinking what is it in my life that I can't say no to? Or what is it that I can't believe I can do? (Run a 1/2 marathon!) But God already proved to me that it is possible to run 3 miles -and with the way I feel and honestly the world is mine! :) I know there are people who believe they've done truly more amazing things than run 3 miles without stopping "on their own". I guess the difference for me is I'm just recognizing God's provision and recognizing His Hand of blessing along the way.
And I have to say thank you, to all of you silent observers/readers out there, your encouragement has inspired me and it's kept me honest. I started this blog a couple of months ago to just document my running experience and have in turn been blessed by so much encouragement, so thank you for the text messages, the wall posts and stopping me to ask me how the training is going. I genuinely appreciate you all. :)
I've been beaming all night like an idiot, but I don't care :) Anyway, today's lesson things can be accomplished and it would be silly for me to leave it at that. The lesson truly is you can do anything through Christ who strengthens you. Somehow that truth was unveiled and became very real to me tonight. Yesterday's sermon used that passage in Mark to help us understand about getting in shape. My pastor asked us, what is it that masters you? Chocolate? Diet Coke? Coffee? Shopping? Ice Cream? Gambling? Alcohol? Porn? And he talked about the importance about taking to heart what it says in Mark 10:27 "Jesus looked at them and said, 'With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God'." He went on to say, we as Christ followers believe in the power of God, but don't believe that power is for us. We go around thinking that God has the power to heal others, but we've tried it and it doesn't work. Well that makes us a bunch of Christian atheists!
I had that feeling tonight - like truly anything is possible because God has gotten me through it. I was in soccer and I can guarantee that I never ran for 30 minutes straight - I had a softball coach who would have made a better cross country coach and we never had to run close to 3 miles. So at the age of 25 I'm doing things I haven't done before. That got me thinking what is it in my life that I can't say no to? Or what is it that I can't believe I can do? (Run a 1/2 marathon!) But God already proved to me that it is possible to run 3 miles -and with the way I feel and honestly the world is mine! :) I know there are people who believe they've done truly more amazing things than run 3 miles without stopping "on their own". I guess the difference for me is I'm just recognizing God's provision and recognizing His Hand of blessing along the way.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Transcendentalism
That's right. I said transcendentalism. And I didn't really expect to see this word reappear so quickly. This word, philosophy or idea is actually a concept I talk about with my students during the year. My understanding of the word is that we are to think outside ourselves. Anyway, transcendentalists inspired many Utopian communities to develop and form leading the way for abolition. So it was much to my surprise when I saw the word being used in the magazine Runner's World.
Now that I have come to the conclusion, based on my last blog, that I am indeed a runner, I thought it appropriate to start acting like one. And so I went to the store and picked up the latest edition of Runner's World and the article I was first drawn to was that which was entitled, "Transcendental Steps: Or How I Learned To Run Without My Ipod". It quickly grabbed my attention because in the previous weeks I'd given up the Ipod I had just started running with. I realize I never blogged about it, but nearly a week after using music as a distraction I quickly gave it up. The couple of times I attempted to run with it, I ended up ripping the buds out of my ears. But the idea of learning how to run intrigued me. If I could learn how to get through it, I figured it would be like finally seeing the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
I know I'm different. But I just couldn't stand the music in my ears. And while I had welcomed the distraction of music, I felt it was no longer serving its purpose - it wasn't distracting anymore. I should mention I enjoy my own piece of mind and quiet. I hardly ever listen to music in the car.
Anyway, this article gave me some insight on how to run because you don't exactly learn what you are supposed to be thinking about. I've prayed a few times, but somehow the prayer ends up, "Lord, get me through this last minute!!" Or if I'm perfectly honest, not all my prayers have stayed focused... "Lord, thanks for today, I pray you'd bless my husband... What time is Galen going to be home today? Hey, look there's a rabbit.." And before you know it I'm wondering how I side tracked.
And so the article goes on about how the author goes to Buddhist Training Camp (to put it in my own words). She talks about how she grew up Buddhist and never knew to apply those meditation techniques to running. (A side note here, but she talks about how she rebelled against her parents for awhile and became Evangelical Christian. I got a good laugh out of that. I struggled to see how she became a Christian for months only to turn back to Buddhist practices. My thought... she wasn't ever a Christian, only probably went to Church. I'll stop here - that's for another blog :)
I found some practical uses in this article for my own running life. This Buddhist teacher talked about trying to focus on your breathing or your steps as you run. Now I take things with a grain of salt and I'm not a believer in mixing religions to find the concoction that suits your life, however, I didn't find what was being said to be offensive. I had to laugh though, the rest of the article did sound Utopian and like an out of body experience. I was expecting to hear about how she had petted unicorns and ate lunch with the leprechauns while sitting on that magical rainbow. Ha, okay that's a little unfair. :)
After reading that article, however, I learned quite a bit and took some good advice from some experienced runners, but I left the article feeling empty for them as if they hadn't really tapped into the best resource. Buddhism definitely seems to be an altruistic, "I'm going to bring myself peace and happiness" when unfortunately they are not tapping into the greatest resource of happiness and joy. My joy comes from the Lord. It's not something I have to create for myself or fake when I don't feel like it.
But (back to running :) I figured if I can learn to run better then great. If I can learn to be disciplined fantastic. And that's what I took from the article along with a few other pieces of advice. Because of the advice of a friend I gave myself permission to slow my pace down. Realizing I had the right to modify my own running was okay and who was going to criticize me for that? So I did, I slowed down my pace. I also learned eating fiber can cause stomach cramping and since I eat nearly 100% of fiber everyday, that bit of information helped tremendously. Note to self: don't eat fiber one cereal, take fiber supplements on running days! Lastly, I discovered it was necessary to give my mind a mental warm-up and I decided it was time to walk for about 5 minutes before I actually ran. And I needed that mental warm-up this week. I had so much anxiety before running each time that I felt as if I had knots in my stomach - I had no confidence in myself. But after that brief walk, I felt prepared to go and endure the run. In fact, there was a bit of excitement about the challenging run I was about to endure.
With those "tips" and honest to goodness God's help - I was able to accomplish it. There was such a sense of victory at the end - I wanted to pump my fist in the air and shout - yeah, God that was for you! But it wasn't about what I did, it was what God's given me the strength to do and has allowed to do through me. Now that's transcendental.
Now that I have come to the conclusion, based on my last blog, that I am indeed a runner, I thought it appropriate to start acting like one. And so I went to the store and picked up the latest edition of Runner's World and the article I was first drawn to was that which was entitled, "Transcendental Steps: Or How I Learned To Run Without My Ipod". It quickly grabbed my attention because in the previous weeks I'd given up the Ipod I had just started running with. I realize I never blogged about it, but nearly a week after using music as a distraction I quickly gave it up. The couple of times I attempted to run with it, I ended up ripping the buds out of my ears. But the idea of learning how to run intrigued me. If I could learn how to get through it, I figured it would be like finally seeing the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
I know I'm different. But I just couldn't stand the music in my ears. And while I had welcomed the distraction of music, I felt it was no longer serving its purpose - it wasn't distracting anymore. I should mention I enjoy my own piece of mind and quiet. I hardly ever listen to music in the car.
Anyway, this article gave me some insight on how to run because you don't exactly learn what you are supposed to be thinking about. I've prayed a few times, but somehow the prayer ends up, "Lord, get me through this last minute!!" Or if I'm perfectly honest, not all my prayers have stayed focused... "Lord, thanks for today, I pray you'd bless my husband... What time is Galen going to be home today? Hey, look there's a rabbit.." And before you know it I'm wondering how I side tracked.
And so the article goes on about how the author goes to Buddhist Training Camp (to put it in my own words). She talks about how she grew up Buddhist and never knew to apply those meditation techniques to running. (A side note here, but she talks about how she rebelled against her parents for awhile and became Evangelical Christian. I got a good laugh out of that. I struggled to see how she became a Christian for months only to turn back to Buddhist practices. My thought... she wasn't ever a Christian, only probably went to Church. I'll stop here - that's for another blog :)
I found some practical uses in this article for my own running life. This Buddhist teacher talked about trying to focus on your breathing or your steps as you run. Now I take things with a grain of salt and I'm not a believer in mixing religions to find the concoction that suits your life, however, I didn't find what was being said to be offensive. I had to laugh though, the rest of the article did sound Utopian and like an out of body experience. I was expecting to hear about how she had petted unicorns and ate lunch with the leprechauns while sitting on that magical rainbow. Ha, okay that's a little unfair. :)
After reading that article, however, I learned quite a bit and took some good advice from some experienced runners, but I left the article feeling empty for them as if they hadn't really tapped into the best resource. Buddhism definitely seems to be an altruistic, "I'm going to bring myself peace and happiness" when unfortunately they are not tapping into the greatest resource of happiness and joy. My joy comes from the Lord. It's not something I have to create for myself or fake when I don't feel like it.
But (back to running :) I figured if I can learn to run better then great. If I can learn to be disciplined fantastic. And that's what I took from the article along with a few other pieces of advice. Because of the advice of a friend I gave myself permission to slow my pace down. Realizing I had the right to modify my own running was okay and who was going to criticize me for that? So I did, I slowed down my pace. I also learned eating fiber can cause stomach cramping and since I eat nearly 100% of fiber everyday, that bit of information helped tremendously. Note to self: don't eat fiber one cereal, take fiber supplements on running days! Lastly, I discovered it was necessary to give my mind a mental warm-up and I decided it was time to walk for about 5 minutes before I actually ran. And I needed that mental warm-up this week. I had so much anxiety before running each time that I felt as if I had knots in my stomach - I had no confidence in myself. But after that brief walk, I felt prepared to go and endure the run. In fact, there was a bit of excitement about the challenging run I was about to endure.
With those "tips" and honest to goodness God's help - I was able to accomplish it. There was such a sense of victory at the end - I wanted to pump my fist in the air and shout - yeah, God that was for you! But it wasn't about what I did, it was what God's given me the strength to do and has allowed to do through me. Now that's transcendental.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Do not call to mind former things, or ponder things of the past {Isaiah 43:18}
Okay. Haven't thought of a catchy title yet. That will wait to the end. Well, I'm attempting to get back in a routine. This past week I had the awesome opportunity to go to Washington D.C. as a chaperone for the second year in a row. This year I slept much better. Anyway, it was extremely difficult to keep up a workout schedule on the road. I was able to run once, kind of, I had to walk because I can't hold a conversation and run at the same time. And I lifted once. So coming back to good ol' Indiana made me a little apprehensive this week to start running again. Especially the previous seven days. Last week was awful. I am pretty sure that even my fingertips hurt when I ran. It was bad.
Wednesday this week I decided to hit the treadmill. Of course, like every week, I needed to increase my time. Anxiety was with me like the plague. I seriously had some concern which could be equated to the same kind of nervousness in my stomach when I would start my first game of the season. But after a quick pep talk I got on and was able to keep going. Friday came, got super anxious and somehow managed to run through my time.
I think what becomes difficult for me is the fact that I still don't see myself as a runner. I reach those points of desperation when I just want to yell, "For the love, when is this torture going to be over!!?" So then those questions come up, why am I running? Why am I doing this? I don't really enjoy feeling pain in my calves or dote in the fact I am just trying to make it from minute to minute.
It wasn't yesterday, but there are days that I just feel like crying when I run. I'm not really a "crier" either. My body just wants to yell... I can't do this! I don't want to this! Just stop! Who thought this was a good idea? What are you doing? You are not a runner!
It was after my run on Friday that I realized something though. It's not that I'm not a runner, it's just I haven't practiced my entire life. This is new for me and despite the fact I've worked out the majority of my life, I'm doing something different. For those of you who have the pride to say that you are a runner, you just feel good when you run, congratulations. As for me, it will take time. I AM a runner, maybe not a good one, professional one, or a seasoned one, but I am running. It's time that I see myself that way.
This revelation has given me spiritual insight. Funny how God teaches me lessons by having the same idea occur and appear several times before I finally get that He is trying to teach me some spiritual truth. It's like becoming a Christian or trying to overcome some stronghold in your life. It's difficult at first to see that you are indeed a new creation. {Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 2 Corinthians 5:17} That's the awesome power of God's redeeming love. It's funny how God is showing me this too, because my devotions this morning were about overcoming unbelief. Huh. Interesting. Okay God, get it. Now it's time to practice that truth.
Wednesday this week I decided to hit the treadmill. Of course, like every week, I needed to increase my time. Anxiety was with me like the plague. I seriously had some concern which could be equated to the same kind of nervousness in my stomach when I would start my first game of the season. But after a quick pep talk I got on and was able to keep going. Friday came, got super anxious and somehow managed to run through my time.
I think what becomes difficult for me is the fact that I still don't see myself as a runner. I reach those points of desperation when I just want to yell, "For the love, when is this torture going to be over!!?" So then those questions come up, why am I running? Why am I doing this? I don't really enjoy feeling pain in my calves or dote in the fact I am just trying to make it from minute to minute.
It wasn't yesterday, but there are days that I just feel like crying when I run. I'm not really a "crier" either. My body just wants to yell... I can't do this! I don't want to this! Just stop! Who thought this was a good idea? What are you doing? You are not a runner!
It was after my run on Friday that I realized something though. It's not that I'm not a runner, it's just I haven't practiced my entire life. This is new for me and despite the fact I've worked out the majority of my life, I'm doing something different. For those of you who have the pride to say that you are a runner, you just feel good when you run, congratulations. As for me, it will take time. I AM a runner, maybe not a good one, professional one, or a seasoned one, but I am running. It's time that I see myself that way.
This revelation has given me spiritual insight. Funny how God teaches me lessons by having the same idea occur and appear several times before I finally get that He is trying to teach me some spiritual truth. It's like becoming a Christian or trying to overcome some stronghold in your life. It's difficult at first to see that you are indeed a new creation. {Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 2 Corinthians 5:17} That's the awesome power of God's redeeming love. It's funny how God is showing me this too, because my devotions this morning were about overcoming unbelief. Huh. Interesting. Okay God, get it. Now it's time to practice that truth.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Wow, has it really been four weeks?
My apologies. Four weeks have flown by and I can't even really figure out what has changed in that time frame. Well, first of all, we had several weeks of 60 degree weather. Awesome. And I'm running longer and even faster now. I'm up to 3 minutes of running at a time. Sixty percent of the way towards my goal of running for a complete half hour. I'll get there. If I wait another four weeks to blog I'll almost be at my goal. Crazy.
Running has gotten easier as I've stayed disciplined to my schedule. However, it was significantly more enjoyable the day I started using my husband's Ipod. Wow. Miracle in itself. Music provided a way for me to truly drown out my {physical} pain or at least eliminated the need for me to try and entertain myself during my runs. I think the biggest bonus came when I realized I could run, or had the energy to run faster the quicker/ louder the beat of the music was.
And then my Ipod died. Wednesday, everything was going great, a very upbeat song came on, I felt myself really stride out. I was starting to let myself go to the music and then it stopped. Not going to lie, that was difficult, I definitely questioned if I should stop running at that point, could I make the rest of my run if I tried? I couldn't believe how discouraged I felt as I'd only had the Ipod maybe a week or two.
But I decided to run anyway, somehow I'd have to manage. I made it a goal to not to look at my time and only focus on my distance. That seemed to work much better - but it was so hard not having that music to depend on. I have to be honest, I was trying to recreate the music in my mind. The problem is I am no singer. Ask my mom, she'd tell me to go praise Jesus elsewhere. Ha :)
It reminded me of what it's like when I don't spend time with God. When I'm not in direct connection with Him because I've not chosen to spend time with Him. It's much harder to get through life. Besides, what is the point of living a life if you're not living for God?
Well, I'm off to bed. Tomorrow starts a whole new chapter for my life. Closing out my first 1/4 century and enduring my last 3 minute run before my increase of time. Good night!
Running has gotten easier as I've stayed disciplined to my schedule. However, it was significantly more enjoyable the day I started using my husband's Ipod. Wow. Miracle in itself. Music provided a way for me to truly drown out my {physical} pain or at least eliminated the need for me to try and entertain myself during my runs. I think the biggest bonus came when I realized I could run, or had the energy to run faster the quicker/ louder the beat of the music was.
And then my Ipod died. Wednesday, everything was going great, a very upbeat song came on, I felt myself really stride out. I was starting to let myself go to the music and then it stopped. Not going to lie, that was difficult, I definitely questioned if I should stop running at that point, could I make the rest of my run if I tried? I couldn't believe how discouraged I felt as I'd only had the Ipod maybe a week or two.
But I decided to run anyway, somehow I'd have to manage. I made it a goal to not to look at my time and only focus on my distance. That seemed to work much better - but it was so hard not having that music to depend on. I have to be honest, I was trying to recreate the music in my mind. The problem is I am no singer. Ask my mom, she'd tell me to go praise Jesus elsewhere. Ha :)
It reminded me of what it's like when I don't spend time with God. When I'm not in direct connection with Him because I've not chosen to spend time with Him. It's much harder to get through life. Besides, what is the point of living a life if you're not living for God?
Well, I'm off to bed. Tomorrow starts a whole new chapter for my life. Closing out my first 1/4 century and enduring my last 3 minute run before my increase of time. Good night!
Friday, February 26, 2010
February is almost over, and I couldn't be more excited.
Sorry February, it's nothing personal. It's just that despite the fact you are the shortest month, it's almost always the month I dread. Here in Northern Indiana we can expect February to be filled with unexpected weather (oh wait, I think that's every month). But it's still cold here. We're past Thanksgiving, beyond Christmas, and completely surpassed the need for further snow in case you'd like my opinion. I apologize February, maybe it's not you, maybe it's Northern Indiana. Because I can only imagine February in, oh let's say, Mexico right now isn't so bad...
Well, needless to say, I'm ready to move forward February. I'm ready to be done with you. But, I have to laugh, because today and even this week gave me hope for March and reminded me that Spring will be returning expediently. As much as I love Christmas break, it completely ruins the start of my new year. It's nearly impossible for me to recover from the two weeks of lack of teaching, the sleeping in, the bountiful eating of sugar, fat, sodium, and caffeine...
I know it didn't help that we also recently moved. Trying to pack everything up so you can be ready to move, that means you have to go out to eat because you can't use your dishes. Or you don't want to wash your dishes again. Or eating out just sounded better then what you had left to eat in your cupboards. Somehow, by an obvious mistake, I found a can of mushrooms, noodles and chicken. Ick, mushrooms, how did that fungus make it in to my kitchen? Nope, Applebees sounds better.
Wow, these events certainly throw out any kind of routine. And winter, yes, winter is the worst time for this to happen. I'd rather hibernate and take hot baths. I hit my snooze 5 - 6 times before I actually get up. Yes, I do sleep in 9 minute intervals. So that tells you how great my last hour of sleep really is come wintertime.
Anyway, back to today, I finally feel like I've been able to get back into a consistent workout regiment. I'm running three times a week, I'm lifting the other 3 days a week. Today was symbolic for me though, it was the first day I didn't leave school dog tired. I wasn't sitting in the car trying to convince myself I was doing something good for me. Okay, well maybe a little bit of that happens everytime, but I felt at least coherent enough (because of sleep deprivation) to go run.
As I ran today, I can say I actually appreciated it. Maybe it was my body saying thank you. Thank you for eating better today. Thank you for getting 8 hours of sleep. Yes, all 2 minutes and 3 seconds of my runs, felt great. There was a point I forgot I was running!
Anyway, all this excitement I experienced today is because my body knows. It knows February is almost over. It knows Spring is waking up from it's long Winter nap. It knows Winter must end despite what Puxatony Phil thinks he understands about weather patterns. And I couldn't be more grateful. So February, I'm sorry your stay was short, but I am not. I can't say I'll miss you, not even a bit. Like I said though, it's nothing personal...
Well, needless to say, I'm ready to move forward February. I'm ready to be done with you. But, I have to laugh, because today and even this week gave me hope for March and reminded me that Spring will be returning expediently. As much as I love Christmas break, it completely ruins the start of my new year. It's nearly impossible for me to recover from the two weeks of lack of teaching, the sleeping in, the bountiful eating of sugar, fat, sodium, and caffeine...
I know it didn't help that we also recently moved. Trying to pack everything up so you can be ready to move, that means you have to go out to eat because you can't use your dishes. Or you don't want to wash your dishes again. Or eating out just sounded better then what you had left to eat in your cupboards. Somehow, by an obvious mistake, I found a can of mushrooms, noodles and chicken. Ick, mushrooms, how did that fungus make it in to my kitchen? Nope, Applebees sounds better.
Wow, these events certainly throw out any kind of routine. And winter, yes, winter is the worst time for this to happen. I'd rather hibernate and take hot baths. I hit my snooze 5 - 6 times before I actually get up. Yes, I do sleep in 9 minute intervals. So that tells you how great my last hour of sleep really is come wintertime.
Anyway, back to today, I finally feel like I've been able to get back into a consistent workout regiment. I'm running three times a week, I'm lifting the other 3 days a week. Today was symbolic for me though, it was the first day I didn't leave school dog tired. I wasn't sitting in the car trying to convince myself I was doing something good for me. Okay, well maybe a little bit of that happens everytime, but I felt at least coherent enough (because of sleep deprivation) to go run.
As I ran today, I can say I actually appreciated it. Maybe it was my body saying thank you. Thank you for eating better today. Thank you for getting 8 hours of sleep. Yes, all 2 minutes and 3 seconds of my runs, felt great. There was a point I forgot I was running!
Anyway, all this excitement I experienced today is because my body knows. It knows February is almost over. It knows Spring is waking up from it's long Winter nap. It knows Winter must end despite what Puxatony Phil thinks he understands about weather patterns. And I couldn't be more grateful. So February, I'm sorry your stay was short, but I am not. I can't say I'll miss you, not even a bit. Like I said though, it's nothing personal...
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
All things are difficult, before they become easy.... right?
Another day. I have to laugh at myself. Last time I posted, I don't want to say I bragged, but I was feeling good about my running. I was feeling accomplished, almost as if I had found the proverbial moving target of running bliss. Well, today, I write you with shins that hurts, and thighs that feel like jelly. No need to visualize, just giving you the current state I find myself in.
I have to admit though, while it was formidable (okay that's a little harsh) to run today and yesterday, it wasn't quite impossible. Running for 1:51 at a 9 minute pace is not easy for me. But it is easier then when I first started. Today, while running I was counting down my time and realized I had 30 seconds left and... got excited... I was thinking "Fantastic! Only 30 seconds left!" A few weeks ago, adding an extra six seconds only seemed arduous.
I think half the battle of running, perhaps more than half, is just a mental contention. I'm constantly trying to lose myself in my running. I'm trying to lose my thoughts into some other part of my life. But there comes a point when the pounding of my feet, the perspiration on my brow and the heavy breathing bring me to a staunchly back to reality. It's at that point I realize I can't fool my body anymore and I have to find a way to preserve. I have to find a way to go on, I have to make my body stride for that next step. Times like these usually happen in the last seconds of my runs. It's when my countdown is less then 30 seconds and I have to bear down and finish well. My goal is not to cheat out of my time. I have to endure. It's at these times I have to remember before anything is ever easy, it once was difficult.
I have to admit though, while it was formidable (okay that's a little harsh) to run today and yesterday, it wasn't quite impossible. Running for 1:51 at a 9 minute pace is not easy for me. But it is easier then when I first started. Today, while running I was counting down my time and realized I had 30 seconds left and... got excited... I was thinking "Fantastic! Only 30 seconds left!" A few weeks ago, adding an extra six seconds only seemed arduous.
I think half the battle of running, perhaps more than half, is just a mental contention. I'm constantly trying to lose myself in my running. I'm trying to lose my thoughts into some other part of my life. But there comes a point when the pounding of my feet, the perspiration on my brow and the heavy breathing bring me to a staunchly back to reality. It's at that point I realize I can't fool my body anymore and I have to find a way to preserve. I have to find a way to go on, I have to make my body stride for that next step. Times like these usually happen in the last seconds of my runs. It's when my countdown is less then 30 seconds and I have to bear down and finish well. My goal is not to cheat out of my time. I have to endure. It's at these times I have to remember before anything is ever easy, it once was difficult.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Better late then never..
The original plan was to start writing this blog as soon as I started training for this 1/2 marathon. That was a month ago. Oops. Time slipped. Well, better late then never. So today, February 13th puts me in between my 6th and 7th week of training. Luckily for me, this "mini" isn't until September. Some people wouldn't need nearly the 8 months to train for a "short" 13.1 miles. Others like me, a self proclaimed non-runner, needs all the time I can get. My training schedule was one that I created up until May, where I'll be following a schedule set up by an expert. But in May I have to run 30 minutes straight. No stopping.
While I am a non-runner, {by that meaning, I look so incredibly unnatural, poor form, and really haven't figured out how to breathe and run successfully at the same time} I do love to work out. I love getting on the elliptical, playing sports, and even lifting weights. I like the idea of taking care of my body. Sidenote: however, I don't always eat with that idea in mind. Running just seems unnatural for me, not something that comes easily for me. I guess that's why I said I'd do a 1/2 marathon. I know it's not something I can do without training or preparing - I'm not one of those people. I'm not a natural or gifted athlete. However, what I don't have naturally sometimes I can make up through perservance and discipline. I said sometimes, only because I have to admit, going to run my measly 30 minute walk run combination sounds worse then hearing fingernails on a chalkboard.
But it's in those times, I have to remember my success. As little as my success can be measured, over the past month, I've improved. And that's invigorating. I started running for 1 minute and walking for 4. In total running for a 1/2 hour. Well, every week after that, I've been increasing 10%. So, running, 1:06, 1:13, 1:21, 1:30, and 1:40. Only 6 short weeks ago, I was running 1 minute. Wow, I remember that week too, that minute was a grueling eternity.
I can't say that running a 1:40 is easy, but is better then week 1. I am a bit of a daydreamer {ha, I think that's how I cope with physical pain} so while I'm running, I continue to imagine what its going to feel like in 6 1/2 months when I cross that finish line. Talk about invigorating, that gets me going! I think maybe for the first time I really understand what Paul says, " 1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God" {Hebrews 12:1 - 2}. Living our lives for Christ isn't about sprints, or occasional decisions to work out. It is a race. A marathon {that for some of us will span several decades}. In order to run this grueling race, we must be prepared, we must train, we know we will have moments of weakness. But we must preserve. There is something in us all that desires to finish well.
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