the last {five} months.

I had an idea to write tonight. But I have to admit, I kind of feel like I did in high school when I was assigned to write some 5 page research paper on some absurd literary topic and I was intimidated at a blank, white empty word processor. Of course, the only difference now is, I don't have to do this, it's not for a grade, but nonetheless, I'm at a bit of a loss on what to discuss.

Ideas such as... updating my life (since it's only been 5 entire months) or how about what I am thankful for since it's the month of November (really original, huh?) Well, I'll get around to the latter in another blog, but I think I will try to give you a concise update on my life the past 5 months.

Unbelievable.  When I think about the last 20 plus weeks of my life, it has gone by in a whirlwind. My best friend  got married, I went on a week long youth conference and had my spiritual butt kicked, slept in a cardboard box for a night, visited a Buddhist temple (to learn about it), I officially hurt my knee and had to stop running, gained 5 lbs (grumble...), found out  I was expecting, started my 4th year of teaching, had a miscarriage, spent my 2nd night ever in the ER, stopped working out all together, went on prescription medication for the first time in my life, struggled to find passion, gained 5 more lbs, missed some school, went to Chicago, saw Lion King, took a lot of photos, escaped into my world of creativity, and bought a new camera.

You know I hate to think that within 6 months this year, I've gained nearly 10 lbs.  I'm attempting to get my life back in order now, but I can tell you, it's so difficult. Working out has never been such a drag for me as it is currently.  That is part of the reason that I am on anti-depressants.  For the majority of my life, I have enjoyed being active.  Weightlifting, dancing, boxing, cardio routines and at one point, running have been an important part of my life.  Exercise has been one of my biggest stress relievers, been my way to work out my emotions and burn off any steam (not that I ever get frustrated :) 

This year for the first time in my life, I have been overwhelmed by the thought of going on a walk, let alone the IDEA of anything else physical.  It has been a tiring journey. Of course I'd like to do more, but I can't. And I've never felt that way before.  I've always been a loner when it has come to working out.  I don't like to socialize, but I like to go and workout hard.  Now, the thought of going by myself is overwhelming or defeating.  Never have I depended on other people to keep me accountable to go to the gym like now. The doctor prescribed some medication at least until winter is over. I have to admit, I am getting better, I'm now up to working out for 30 minutes 3 times a week (which is about 4 1/2 hours less than what I was used to). I am drinking about 2 - 2 1/2 liters of water everyday again.  Slowly, but surely I am coming around.  Everyday working out is a battle and this nasty cold weather and few hours of precious sunshine is intensifying my struggle.

My motto recently has been "here's to tomorrow, may I do more than I did today."