Luke 2:52 -“And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man."
Here is my list... accountability welcome!
Wisdom
- read the paper 5 x a week
- read 3 books about Christian apologetics
- read 12 books this year
- read a proverb every day
God
- do devotions 5 x a week
- pray every night before bed
- spend one time a week journaling/reflecting what God has done in my life
Stature
- run 3 5ks’ this year
- Get back to my 140lb weight
- get back to my old 6-7 hours a week of workouts
- give up pop completely
- give up chocolate for a week
- eat at least one serving of vegetables every day (oh boy)
Man
- contact 4 different people a week to check in with them and pray for them specifically
- Go on some sort of short term missions trip this year
- Share my faith with 12 people this year
- Give $---- away (I have dollar amount set aside)
-Write my compassion child 6 times this year
Other
- develop my photography skills and take a class
- catch up on my scrapbooking
- pray about and pay off school loans ($20,047 to go!!)
Rasler Ramblings
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Monday, December 6, 2010
Tangled: Hope long awaited
The other night for our date, Galen and I went to see Tangled. We hardly ever go to movies, but the sweet happily ever after princess movie in 3D just seemed impossible for us not to go. Well, me anyways. Like many fairy tales twisted with the Disney spin, the fair maiden was born with magical power, stolen as a child, locked in a tower, raised by another woman, is mistakenly found, escapes the tower and is reunited with her real parents... and of course, lives happily ever after. Not with Prince Charming though, a former thief.
Anyway, not the point. So this blog isn't to be a critique on the movie, however, it was very enjoyable and the music was good. This blog is intended to reveal the message I got from it. At the end of the movie, when Rapunzel is finally reunited with her royal parents, there is a moment where they stare at each other in a surreal sort of way. After a few seconds, mother and daughter hug and dad quickly joins in. There is weeping and smiles. Except it wasn't just the cartoon characters who were weeping. I was a red hot weeping mess.
Last week, after going to a friends candle party, I met a woman and I was talking to her about my miscarriage. She shared with me a story about a boy who died. He had appendicitis and died. Fortunately, he was able to be revived. After coming back to, the little boy was able to tell his parents what he had seen. He met poppy (a beloved relative in which the child never met on Earth). The other surprising revelation was that when he came back he asked his parents if they knew that he had a sister. He said that he had met her and she had told him that she had to leave when she was in her mommy's womb.
If I haven't explained myself clearly enough, let me do that now. I feel in some ways that my baby was taken from me. And I know where my child is currently, not wandering in space, not stolen, nor locked up in a tower somewhere, but in Heaven. Anyway, what hit me was seeing Rapunzel reunite with her parents. I realized, in such a transparent way, that I too would be reunited with my child. Maybe tomorrow, maybe 50 years from now.
Watching that movie really reassured me and I continued to realize that I can have hope. Not only hope to go to Heaven some day, but hope to see my baby and get to know him/her. This revelation became so obvious and real to me that that is the reason I sat there and cried. I am so thankful for that hope, without it, I don't know how I could heal.
Anyway, not the point. So this blog isn't to be a critique on the movie, however, it was very enjoyable and the music was good. This blog is intended to reveal the message I got from it. At the end of the movie, when Rapunzel is finally reunited with her royal parents, there is a moment where they stare at each other in a surreal sort of way. After a few seconds, mother and daughter hug and dad quickly joins in. There is weeping and smiles. Except it wasn't just the cartoon characters who were weeping. I was a red hot weeping mess.
Last week, after going to a friends candle party, I met a woman and I was talking to her about my miscarriage. She shared with me a story about a boy who died. He had appendicitis and died. Fortunately, he was able to be revived. After coming back to, the little boy was able to tell his parents what he had seen. He met poppy (a beloved relative in which the child never met on Earth). The other surprising revelation was that when he came back he asked his parents if they knew that he had a sister. He said that he had met her and she had told him that she had to leave when she was in her mommy's womb.
If I haven't explained myself clearly enough, let me do that now. I feel in some ways that my baby was taken from me. And I know where my child is currently, not wandering in space, not stolen, nor locked up in a tower somewhere, but in Heaven. Anyway, what hit me was seeing Rapunzel reunite with her parents. I realized, in such a transparent way, that I too would be reunited with my child. Maybe tomorrow, maybe 50 years from now.
Watching that movie really reassured me and I continued to realize that I can have hope. Not only hope to go to Heaven some day, but hope to see my baby and get to know him/her. This revelation became so obvious and real to me that that is the reason I sat there and cried. I am so thankful for that hope, without it, I don't know how I could heal.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Being grateful
The intention was to write this blog closer to the end of November to sum up how I'm thankful for so many "things". But it's already December, so I'm behind. It is what it is. :)
Christ. Without trying to sound like some cliche Christian who thanks God for everything, I want to really write my genuine feelings. Not that there is anything wrong with people who are thankful to God, but I want to perhaps be a little bit more specific and explain why. When I think about what Christ has done for me, died in my place, it's hard to reason. I don't understand why Christ loves me (and you) so very much, because I know me and I'm not very lovable (if I'm honest with myself). I am just so thankful that I can do NOTHING to earn my salvation, but humbly and simply accept it as a gift alone. What amazing freedom and grace God has extended to me. No matter how often I saw this to people or on facebook or whatever, I want to say it again. Christ's death and resurrection is a tremendous gift. Him choosing the cross in hopes that I (and you) may believe in Him and be able to spend eternity with the very one who created me is... incredible. My words are lacking the expression I was hoping for, but I hope you can gather what I'm trying to say. Anyway, the day I stop showing my gratitude for this act of kindness is the day I've forgotten how truly wretched and unrighteous I am and lost sight of just how holy and perfect my God is. So it is with that that I am thankful for Christ for the ultimate gift and I attribute the rest of the "things" below as abundant blessings from Him.
Husband/Family. I am so thankful for Galen. Wow. He's just the best kind of guy you can get. He is truly my best friend. Before we dated, we were friends, and that was one of the coolest aspects about dating. I just got to hang out with this guy who made me laugh, who I made laugh and yet could talk about the craziest topics together. He is so not like me. He is better. When I think about how he should react to: what I said or what I did he always surprises me. Instead of being angry, he is understanding; instead of walking away, he is understanding and listens; instead of trying to talk his way into an answer, he just holds me; instead of being stressed out, he prays.
My family and his family have also been such a great blessing. Our families have just been a tremendous support to us as we got dated, got married and went through so many other stages in our lives. They continue to support us and show us what marriage is really like and what it means to stick it out - even when it gets difficult. They have both shown us what it means to be generous, what it means to think of others first. I find myself blessed to have the parents I do and to have the in laws. I am also so incredibly thankful that this time of year isn't miserable for me. It can be for a lot of people, but I truly enjoy my family, my in-laws and outlaws, too. :)
Things. I have been so convicted about this list I'm about to share with you. I find that I have many tangible things to be thankful for and I quickly realize that I am not concerning myself enough with other people and their needs. This year: God blessed us with renting a house cheaper than our apartment, a dog (who has been truly a blessing and helped me with healing), dishwasher #2 :), more clothes, a new camera, a car that still runs (9 years and going strong), a warm home, a getaway to Chicago, a vacation to Florida, extra hours for Galen to work, a gym membership, a job for me that I love, plenty of Christmas decorations, internet at home, food in the cupboards and so much more.
Miscarriage. I have to be very careful when I put this under my list of things to be thankful for. Please don't misinterpret this placement. I never would have chosen to go through what I have, it has been painful and difficult in so many more ways than I realized. But because of what I went through, I have certainly learned so much. Mind you, I am still healing, I'm still dealing with my loss, and I still find it heart-wrenching to be around babies and pregnant women. However, my eyes have been opened. I would still not classify myself as a compassionate person (there are so many more who are better at it than me!), but I feel that I can empathize so much more with people. People who've lost a loved one, women who've lost a child, or people who have depression. If you don't know me by now, I'll tell you that I'm very independent and stubborn. At least up until the last couple of months. I've had to let some of that go because I knew how broken I was and I couldn't afford people not to help me. I've been humbled by the generosity of others. The fact I could pride myself on working out 6-7 hours a week quickly became the sad reality of being lucky to put on my sports bra. My heart and compassion have grown. I understand why people who are depressed can't just do it. (I never would've gotten it before, like I said, I was a driven, independent, "want-it-fixed-do-something-about-it-kind-of-person". Sometimes it takes everything I have just to make it through the day. Some days I feel like an outcast. In my group of friends, I don't belong to either of the groups that exist. Those that want and have children or those that aren't ready to start a family. What about me?
So I have learned what it feels like not to belong - to question how you fit in even with the people who accept you. I've learned that it feels nice to be checked up on once in awhile. It feels nice to have people listen to you and not tell you anything more.
The journey has been painful, but what is done is done. Through this hurt, I can rest in the fact that I will see my baby again some day and spend time with him/her for all eternity. I know my baby is safely resting in the arms of Jesus.
I am blessed.
Christ. Without trying to sound like some cliche Christian who thanks God for everything, I want to really write my genuine feelings. Not that there is anything wrong with people who are thankful to God, but I want to perhaps be a little bit more specific and explain why. When I think about what Christ has done for me, died in my place, it's hard to reason. I don't understand why Christ loves me (and you) so very much, because I know me and I'm not very lovable (if I'm honest with myself). I am just so thankful that I can do NOTHING to earn my salvation, but humbly and simply accept it as a gift alone. What amazing freedom and grace God has extended to me. No matter how often I saw this to people or on facebook or whatever, I want to say it again. Christ's death and resurrection is a tremendous gift. Him choosing the cross in hopes that I (and you) may believe in Him and be able to spend eternity with the very one who created me is... incredible. My words are lacking the expression I was hoping for, but I hope you can gather what I'm trying to say. Anyway, the day I stop showing my gratitude for this act of kindness is the day I've forgotten how truly wretched and unrighteous I am and lost sight of just how holy and perfect my God is. So it is with that that I am thankful for Christ for the ultimate gift and I attribute the rest of the "things" below as abundant blessings from Him.
Husband/Family. I am so thankful for Galen. Wow. He's just the best kind of guy you can get. He is truly my best friend. Before we dated, we were friends, and that was one of the coolest aspects about dating. I just got to hang out with this guy who made me laugh, who I made laugh and yet could talk about the craziest topics together. He is so not like me. He is better. When I think about how he should react to: what I said or what I did he always surprises me. Instead of being angry, he is understanding; instead of walking away, he is understanding and listens; instead of trying to talk his way into an answer, he just holds me; instead of being stressed out, he prays.
My family and his family have also been such a great blessing. Our families have just been a tremendous support to us as we got dated, got married and went through so many other stages in our lives. They continue to support us and show us what marriage is really like and what it means to stick it out - even when it gets difficult. They have both shown us what it means to be generous, what it means to think of others first. I find myself blessed to have the parents I do and to have the in laws. I am also so incredibly thankful that this time of year isn't miserable for me. It can be for a lot of people, but I truly enjoy my family, my in-laws and outlaws, too. :)
Things. I have been so convicted about this list I'm about to share with you. I find that I have many tangible things to be thankful for and I quickly realize that I am not concerning myself enough with other people and their needs. This year: God blessed us with renting a house cheaper than our apartment, a dog (who has been truly a blessing and helped me with healing), dishwasher #2 :), more clothes, a new camera, a car that still runs (9 years and going strong), a warm home, a getaway to Chicago, a vacation to Florida, extra hours for Galen to work, a gym membership, a job for me that I love, plenty of Christmas decorations, internet at home, food in the cupboards and so much more.
Miscarriage. I have to be very careful when I put this under my list of things to be thankful for. Please don't misinterpret this placement. I never would have chosen to go through what I have, it has been painful and difficult in so many more ways than I realized. But because of what I went through, I have certainly learned so much. Mind you, I am still healing, I'm still dealing with my loss, and I still find it heart-wrenching to be around babies and pregnant women. However, my eyes have been opened. I would still not classify myself as a compassionate person (there are so many more who are better at it than me!), but I feel that I can empathize so much more with people. People who've lost a loved one, women who've lost a child, or people who have depression. If you don't know me by now, I'll tell you that I'm very independent and stubborn. At least up until the last couple of months. I've had to let some of that go because I knew how broken I was and I couldn't afford people not to help me. I've been humbled by the generosity of others. The fact I could pride myself on working out 6-7 hours a week quickly became the sad reality of being lucky to put on my sports bra. My heart and compassion have grown. I understand why people who are depressed can't just do it. (I never would've gotten it before, like I said, I was a driven, independent, "want-it-fixed-do-something-about-it-kind-of-person". Sometimes it takes everything I have just to make it through the day. Some days I feel like an outcast. In my group of friends, I don't belong to either of the groups that exist. Those that want and have children or those that aren't ready to start a family. What about me?
So I have learned what it feels like not to belong - to question how you fit in even with the people who accept you. I've learned that it feels nice to be checked up on once in awhile. It feels nice to have people listen to you and not tell you anything more.
The journey has been painful, but what is done is done. Through this hurt, I can rest in the fact that I will see my baby again some day and spend time with him/her for all eternity. I know my baby is safely resting in the arms of Jesus.
I am blessed.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
25 Things You Didn't Know About Me
While driving tonight, I was thinking of a list of things that maybe make me a little unique. Here are 25 things. No matter how well you know me, you are bound to learn something new!
1. I like to live caffeine free as much as possible.
2. I have lived in the Southern half of the hemisphere.
3. I have stuck my hand in a tarantula hole... on purpose.
4. I married my high school prom date and my prince Charming (I know barf). :)
5. I have two different thumbs. One is a hitch hiker, one is straight (is that what you call it?)
6. I could live on protein and dairy the rest of my life.
7. I regularly drink between 1 1/2 - 2 gallons a week of skim milk.
8. Middle school was the worst time of my life.
9. I teach middle school.
10. I have white hair(sss)
11. I have eaten bakers square chocolate... and I liked it.
12. I LOATHE scary movies.
13. I am more content in silence than constantly listen to music.
14. When I was in kindergarten, I used to wake up before school everyday and ask my mom if I could watch "The Caddy" with Jerry Lewis. I still don't know why.
15. I am not tickalious (how on earth do you spell that??)
16. I have lost a child.
17. I have a tattoo. I would like to get another one.
18. In high school, the hardest class I took was U.S. History. I didn't like the teacher, either.
19. Mrs. Mehl became my favorite teacher and I teach Social Studies.
20. I got married at Christmas because it's my absolute, most favorite holiday.
21. I love to play board games and card games.
22. I am competitive.
23. My favorite color is glitter or anything sparkly.
24. I still drive my first car that I owned when I was 16.
25. I asked for a dishwasher for my 16th birthday and got one!!
1. I like to live caffeine free as much as possible.
2. I have lived in the Southern half of the hemisphere.
3. I have stuck my hand in a tarantula hole... on purpose.
4. I married my high school prom date and my prince Charming (I know barf). :)
5. I have two different thumbs. One is a hitch hiker, one is straight (is that what you call it?)
6. I could live on protein and dairy the rest of my life.
7. I regularly drink between 1 1/2 - 2 gallons a week of skim milk.
8. Middle school was the worst time of my life.
9. I teach middle school.
10. I have white hair(sss)
11. I have eaten bakers square chocolate... and I liked it.
12. I LOATHE scary movies.
13. I am more content in silence than constantly listen to music.
14. When I was in kindergarten, I used to wake up before school everyday and ask my mom if I could watch "The Caddy" with Jerry Lewis. I still don't know why.
15. I am not tickalious (how on earth do you spell that??)
16. I have lost a child.
17. I have a tattoo. I would like to get another one.
18. In high school, the hardest class I took was U.S. History. I didn't like the teacher, either.
19. Mrs. Mehl became my favorite teacher and I teach Social Studies.
20. I got married at Christmas because it's my absolute, most favorite holiday.
21. I love to play board games and card games.
22. I am competitive.
23. My favorite color is glitter or anything sparkly.
24. I still drive my first car that I owned when I was 16.
25. I asked for a dishwasher for my 16th birthday and got one!!
Friday, November 19, 2010
the last {five} months.
I had an idea to write tonight. But I have to admit, I kind of feel like I did in high school when I was assigned to write some 5 page research paper on some absurd literary topic and I was intimidated at a blank, white empty word processor. Of course, the only difference now is, I don't have to do this, it's not for a grade, but nonetheless, I'm at a bit of a loss on what to discuss.
Ideas such as... updating my life (since it's only been 5 entire months) or how about what I am thankful for since it's the month of November (really original, huh?) Well, I'll get around to the latter in another blog, but I think I will try to give you a concise update on my life the past 5 months.
Unbelievable. When I think about the last 20 plus weeks of my life, it has gone by in a whirlwind. My best friend got married, I went on a week long youth conference and had my spiritual butt kicked, slept in a cardboard box for a night, visited a Buddhist temple (to learn about it), I officially hurt my knee and had to stop running, gained 5 lbs (grumble...), found out I was expecting, started my 4th year of teaching, had a miscarriage, spent my 2nd night ever in the ER, stopped working out all together, went on prescription medication for the first time in my life, struggled to find passion, gained 5 more lbs, missed some school, went to Chicago, saw Lion King, took a lot of photos, escaped into my world of creativity, and bought a new camera.
You know I hate to think that within 6 months this year, I've gained nearly 10 lbs. I'm attempting to get my life back in order now, but I can tell you, it's so difficult. Working out has never been such a drag for me as it is currently. That is part of the reason that I am on anti-depressants. For the majority of my life, I have enjoyed being active. Weightlifting, dancing, boxing, cardio routines and at one point, running have been an important part of my life. Exercise has been one of my biggest stress relievers, been my way to work out my emotions and burn off any steam (not that I ever get frustrated :)
This year for the first time in my life, I have been overwhelmed by the thought of going on a walk, let alone the IDEA of anything else physical. It has been a tiring journey. Of course I'd like to do more, but I can't. And I've never felt that way before. I've always been a loner when it has come to working out. I don't like to socialize, but I like to go and workout hard. Now, the thought of going by myself is overwhelming or defeating. Never have I depended on other people to keep me accountable to go to the gym like now. The doctor prescribed some medication at least until winter is over. I have to admit, I am getting better, I'm now up to working out for 30 minutes 3 times a week (which is about 4 1/2 hours less than what I was used to). I am drinking about 2 - 2 1/2 liters of water everyday again. Slowly, but surely I am coming around. Everyday working out is a battle and this nasty cold weather and few hours of precious sunshine is intensifying my struggle.
My motto recently has been "here's to tomorrow, may I do more than I did today."
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
It was only a matter of time....
... until I hurt myself. And I'll admit it was probably by my own unexperienced, stubborn will that did it too. The last couple of weeks I didn't really work out - I was trying to get school over with and my best friend was getting married. Those aren't complaints, but sometimes you want to get those other events crossed off your list before you decide to tackle something new. I was tired and I just felt if I could get through the Civil War Day, the last test, turning in books, the bachelorette party and the wedding, then I could really take some quality time and focus on my exercise.
So last week I decided to go on a run, not even a long one. And by the end I felt great, or so I thought. I have no idea what had happened, I just know that by the time I reached my front porch steps my right knee felt uncomfortable and queasy. I still haven't figured out if queasy is the right word to use, but it's just about the only word that seems to illustrate how my knee feels. It felt like it could just give out at anytime. There really wasn't any pain, although when I straighten my leg out it gets to be a bit painful.
The next day I decided to go on an even smaller run and I felt good. I was fine and I was pushing myself and my time. But by the last 1/2 mile that same queasy feeling quickly returned to my right knee. Frustrated I came back home and took Ibuprofen. I decided to take the next couple days off (I was busy decorating and running around for the wedding anyway) and I'd see how it felt the following week.
That leaves me at today. I was going to start out easy in my 3 mile run and just after a 1/2 mile I was done. My knee told me "I don't think so" and so trying to have some wisdom, I listened. I walked a little bit longer and then decided it would be better to turn around and come home. It didn't take very long for me to start limping. I have such a hard time discerning if I'm being a wimp or I'm being wise. It was really humbling to have to walk the rest of the way home by neighbors who were out mowing their lawn and others who were on their way to work. Whether they are judging me or not (most likely they probably didn't even notice me) there was nothing I could do to change my circumstance.
I'd be lying if I wrote that I wasn't discouraged or frustrated or even just mad at myself for taking a break for the past 3 weeks. It's frustrating because I can tell I'm having a harder time already finding my rhythm in running and I'm needing to build up the mental strength yet again. But I can't change my circumstance and I can't ignore it by continuing to run in pain. My tenacity won't let me fall by the waste side. I'll be back in it. I am GOING to run this 1/2 marathon in September. It just means I'll have to be more focused and maybe a bit smarter when it comes to starting back up again.
So last week I decided to go on a run, not even a long one. And by the end I felt great, or so I thought. I have no idea what had happened, I just know that by the time I reached my front porch steps my right knee felt uncomfortable and queasy. I still haven't figured out if queasy is the right word to use, but it's just about the only word that seems to illustrate how my knee feels. It felt like it could just give out at anytime. There really wasn't any pain, although when I straighten my leg out it gets to be a bit painful.
The next day I decided to go on an even smaller run and I felt good. I was fine and I was pushing myself and my time. But by the last 1/2 mile that same queasy feeling quickly returned to my right knee. Frustrated I came back home and took Ibuprofen. I decided to take the next couple days off (I was busy decorating and running around for the wedding anyway) and I'd see how it felt the following week.
That leaves me at today. I was going to start out easy in my 3 mile run and just after a 1/2 mile I was done. My knee told me "I don't think so" and so trying to have some wisdom, I listened. I walked a little bit longer and then decided it would be better to turn around and come home. It didn't take very long for me to start limping. I have such a hard time discerning if I'm being a wimp or I'm being wise. It was really humbling to have to walk the rest of the way home by neighbors who were out mowing their lawn and others who were on their way to work. Whether they are judging me or not (most likely they probably didn't even notice me) there was nothing I could do to change my circumstance.
I'd be lying if I wrote that I wasn't discouraged or frustrated or even just mad at myself for taking a break for the past 3 weeks. It's frustrating because I can tell I'm having a harder time already finding my rhythm in running and I'm needing to build up the mental strength yet again. But I can't change my circumstance and I can't ignore it by continuing to run in pain. My tenacity won't let me fall by the waste side. I'll be back in it. I am GOING to run this 1/2 marathon in September. It just means I'll have to be more focused and maybe a bit smarter when it comes to starting back up again.
Human
Human. That's what I am through and through and would like to just be allowed to be human for a few brief moments. Why did I decide to do this? How am I going to run 10 more miles?? Why is this still difficult? How come I wanted to give up today? How come my whole body hurt? How COME THIS ISN'T EASY YET??!?!
Please don't feel compelled to text me the cliche if it was easy, everyone would be doing it. I know that's true but that doesn't take away the reality that today was difficult and I have a case of "human". I want luxury, I want to be this easy, I don't like pain! But yet, I know that's what it takes to get to where I want to go.
I'm not even going to respond to my complaints - I already know - I just need to vent.
**That's about as far as I got when I got up to get a drink and Galen, my dear husband clicked out of the internet. This was supposed to posted about 5 weeks ago. WHOOPS :)
Please don't feel compelled to text me the cliche if it was easy, everyone would be doing it. I know that's true but that doesn't take away the reality that today was difficult and I have a case of "human". I want luxury, I want to be this easy, I don't like pain! But yet, I know that's what it takes to get to where I want to go.
I'm not even going to respond to my complaints - I already know - I just need to vent.
**That's about as far as I got when I got up to get a drink and Galen, my dear husband clicked out of the internet. This was supposed to posted about 5 weeks ago. WHOOPS :)
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