25 Things You Didn't Know About Me

While driving tonight, I was thinking of a list of things that maybe make me a little unique.  Here are 25 things. No matter how well you know me, you are bound to learn something new!


1. I like to live caffeine free as much as possible.
2. I have lived in the Southern half of the hemisphere.
3. I have stuck my hand in a tarantula hole... on purpose.
4. I married my high school prom date and my prince Charming (I know barf). :)
5. I have two different thumbs.  One is a hitch hiker, one is straight (is that what you call it?)
6. I could live on protein and dairy the rest of my life.
7. I regularly drink between 1 1/2 - 2 gallons a week of skim milk.
8. Middle school was the worst time of my life.
9. I teach middle school.
10. I have white hair(sss)
11. I have eaten bakers square chocolate... and I liked it.
12. I LOATHE scary movies.
13. I am more content in silence than constantly listen to music.
14. When I was in kindergarten, I used to wake up before school everyday and ask my mom if I could watch "The Caddy" with Jerry Lewis.  I still don't know why. 
15. I am not tickalious (how on earth do you spell that??)
16. I have lost a child.
17. I have a tattoo.  I would like to get another one.
18. In high school, the hardest class I took was U.S. History.  I didn't like the teacher, either.
19. Mrs. Mehl became my favorite teacher and I teach Social Studies.
20. I got married at Christmas because it's my absolute, most favorite holiday.
21. I love to play board games and card games.
22. I am competitive.
23. My favorite color is glitter or anything sparkly.
24. I still drive my first car that I owned when I was 16.
25. I asked for a dishwasher for my 16th birthday and got one!!

the last {five} months.

I had an idea to write tonight. But I have to admit, I kind of feel like I did in high school when I was assigned to write some 5 page research paper on some absurd literary topic and I was intimidated at a blank, white empty word processor. Of course, the only difference now is, I don't have to do this, it's not for a grade, but nonetheless, I'm at a bit of a loss on what to discuss.

Ideas such as... updating my life (since it's only been 5 entire months) or how about what I am thankful for since it's the month of November (really original, huh?) Well, I'll get around to the latter in another blog, but I think I will try to give you a concise update on my life the past 5 months.

Unbelievable.  When I think about the last 20 plus weeks of my life, it has gone by in a whirlwind. My best friend  got married, I went on a week long youth conference and had my spiritual butt kicked, slept in a cardboard box for a night, visited a Buddhist temple (to learn about it), I officially hurt my knee and had to stop running, gained 5 lbs (grumble...), found out  I was expecting, started my 4th year of teaching, had a miscarriage, spent my 2nd night ever in the ER, stopped working out all together, went on prescription medication for the first time in my life, struggled to find passion, gained 5 more lbs, missed some school, went to Chicago, saw Lion King, took a lot of photos, escaped into my world of creativity, and bought a new camera.

You know I hate to think that within 6 months this year, I've gained nearly 10 lbs.  I'm attempting to get my life back in order now, but I can tell you, it's so difficult. Working out has never been such a drag for me as it is currently.  That is part of the reason that I am on anti-depressants.  For the majority of my life, I have enjoyed being active.  Weightlifting, dancing, boxing, cardio routines and at one point, running have been an important part of my life.  Exercise has been one of my biggest stress relievers, been my way to work out my emotions and burn off any steam (not that I ever get frustrated :) 

This year for the first time in my life, I have been overwhelmed by the thought of going on a walk, let alone the IDEA of anything else physical.  It has been a tiring journey. Of course I'd like to do more, but I can't. And I've never felt that way before.  I've always been a loner when it has come to working out.  I don't like to socialize, but I like to go and workout hard.  Now, the thought of going by myself is overwhelming or defeating.  Never have I depended on other people to keep me accountable to go to the gym like now. The doctor prescribed some medication at least until winter is over. I have to admit, I am getting better, I'm now up to working out for 30 minutes 3 times a week (which is about 4 1/2 hours less than what I was used to). I am drinking about 2 - 2 1/2 liters of water everyday again.  Slowly, but surely I am coming around.  Everyday working out is a battle and this nasty cold weather and few hours of precious sunshine is intensifying my struggle.

My motto recently has been "here's to tomorrow, may I do more than I did today."

It was only a matter of time....

... until I hurt myself.  And I'll admit it was probably by my own unexperienced, stubborn will that did it too. The last couple of weeks I didn't really work out - I was trying to get school over with and my best friend was getting married.  Those aren't complaints, but sometimes you want to get those other events crossed off your list before you decide to tackle something new.  I was tired and I just felt if I could get through the Civil War Day, the last test, turning in books, the bachelorette party and the wedding, then I could really take some quality time and focus on my exercise.

So last week I decided to go on a run, not even a long one.  And by the end I felt great, or so I thought.  I have no idea what had happened, I just know that by the time I reached my front porch steps my right knee felt uncomfortable and queasy.  I still haven't figured out if queasy is the right word to use, but it's just about the only word that seems to illustrate how my knee feels.  It felt like it could just give out at anytime.  There really wasn't any pain, although when I straighten my leg out it gets to be a bit painful.

The next day I decided to go on an even smaller run and I felt good.  I was fine and I was pushing myself and my time.  But by the last 1/2 mile that same queasy feeling quickly returned to my right knee.  Frustrated I came back home and took Ibuprofen. I decided to take the next couple days off (I was busy decorating and running around for the wedding anyway) and I'd see how it felt the following week.

That leaves me at today.  I was going to start out easy in my 3 mile run and just after a 1/2 mile I was done.  My knee told me "I don't think so" and so trying to have some wisdom, I listened.  I walked a little bit longer and then decided it would be better to turn around and come home.  It didn't take very long for me to start limping.  I have such a hard time discerning if I'm being a wimp or I'm being wise.  It was really humbling to have to walk the rest of the way home by neighbors who were out mowing their lawn and others who were on their way to work.  Whether they are judging me or not (most likely they probably didn't even notice me) there was nothing I could do to change my circumstance.

I'd be lying if I wrote that I wasn't discouraged or frustrated or even just mad at myself for taking a break for the past 3 weeks.  It's frustrating because I can tell I'm having a harder time already finding my rhythm in running and I'm needing to build up the mental strength yet again. But I can't change my circumstance and I can't ignore it by continuing to run in pain. My tenacity won't let me fall by the waste side.  I'll be back in it.  I am GOING to run this 1/2 marathon in September. It just means I'll have to be more focused and maybe a bit smarter when it comes to starting back up again.

Human

Human.  That's what I am through and through and would like to just be allowed to be human for a few brief moments.  Why did I decide to do this? How am I going to run 10 more miles??  Why is this still difficult? How come I wanted to give up today? How come my whole body hurt?  How COME THIS ISN'T EASY YET??!?!

Please don't feel compelled to text me the cliche if it was easy, everyone would be doing it.  I know that's true but that doesn't take away the reality that today was difficult and I have a case of "human".  I want luxury, I want to be this easy, I don't like pain!  But yet, I know that's what it takes to get to where I want to go.

I'm not even going to respond to my complaints - I already know - I just need to vent.

**That's about as far as I got when I got up to get a drink and Galen, my dear husband clicked out of the internet.  This was supposed to posted about 5 weeks ago.  WHOOPS :)

Beaming like an idiot. =)

I can't believe it.  I did it - I ran 3.01 miles today.  I feel like the inept kid in an art class full of brilliant designers and creators who when I go to show my work is just beaming with joy as all the other individuals are trying to discern what it is I created.  But I don't care.  I ran 3.01 miles - I didn't stop - and so as silly the accomplishment maybe, it has been accomplished :)


And I have to say thank you, to all of you silent observers/readers out there, your encouragement has inspired me and it's kept me honest.  I started this blog a couple of months ago to just document my running experience and have in turn been blessed by so much encouragement, so thank you for the text messages, the wall posts and stopping me to ask me how the training is going. I genuinely appreciate you all. :)


I've been beaming all night like an idiot, but I don't care :)  Anyway, today's lesson things can be accomplished and it would be silly for me to leave it at that.  The lesson truly is you can do anything through Christ who strengthens you.  Somehow that truth was unveiled and became very real to me tonight.  Yesterday's sermon used that passage in Mark to help us understand about getting in shape.  My pastor asked us, what is it that masters you?  Chocolate? Diet Coke? Coffee?  Shopping? Ice Cream? Gambling? Alcohol? Porn?  And he talked about the importance about taking to heart what it says in Mark 10:27 "Jesus looked at them and said, 'With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God'."  He went on to say, we as Christ followers believe in the power of God, but don't believe that power is for us. We go around thinking that God has the power to heal others, but we've tried it and it doesn't work.  Well that makes us a bunch of Christian atheists!


I had that feeling tonight - like truly anything is possible because God has gotten me through it. I was in soccer and I can guarantee that I never ran for 30 minutes straight - I had a softball coach who would have made a better cross country coach and we never had to run close to 3 miles.  So at the age of 25 I'm doing things I haven't done before. That got me thinking what is it in my life that I can't say no to? Or what is it that I can't believe I can do? (Run a 1/2 marathon!)  But God already proved to me that it is possible to run 3 miles -and with the way I feel and honestly the world is mine!  :) I know there are people who believe they've done truly more amazing things than run 3 miles without stopping "on their own".  I guess the difference for me is I'm just recognizing God's provision and recognizing His Hand of blessing along the way.

Transcendentalism

That's right. I said transcendentalism.  And I didn't really expect to see this word reappear so quickly.  This word, philosophy or idea is actually a concept I talk about with my students during the year.  My understanding of the word is that we are to think outside ourselves.  Anyway, transcendentalists inspired many Utopian communities to develop and form leading the way for abolition.  So it was much to my surprise when I saw the word being used in the magazine Runner's World.

Now that I have come to the conclusion, based on my last blog, that I am indeed a runner, I thought it appropriate to start acting like one.  And so I went to the store and picked up the latest edition of Runner's World and the article I was first drawn to was that which was entitled, "Transcendental Steps: Or How I Learned To Run Without My Ipod".  It quickly grabbed my attention because in the previous weeks I'd given up the Ipod I had just started running with.  I realize I never blogged about it, but nearly a week after using music as a distraction I quickly gave it up.  The couple of times I attempted to run with it, I ended up ripping the buds out of my ears.  But the idea of learning how to run intrigued me.  If I could learn how to get through it, I figured it would be like finally seeing the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

I know I'm different.  But I just couldn't stand the music in my ears. And while I had welcomed the distraction of music, I felt it was no longer serving its purpose - it wasn't distracting anymore.  I should mention I enjoy my own piece of mind and quiet.  I hardly ever listen to music in the car.

Anyway, this article gave me some insight on how to run because you don't exactly learn what you are supposed to be thinking about.  I've prayed a few times, but somehow the prayer ends up, "Lord, get me through this last minute!!"  Or if I'm perfectly honest, not all my prayers have stayed focused... "Lord, thanks for today, I pray you'd bless my husband... What time is Galen going to be home today?  Hey, look there's a rabbit.." And before you know it I'm wondering how I side tracked.

And so the article goes on about how the author goes to Buddhist Training Camp (to put it in my own words).  She talks about how she grew up Buddhist and never knew to apply those meditation techniques to running. (A side note here, but she talks about how she rebelled against her parents for awhile and became Evangelical Christian.  I got a good laugh out of that.  I struggled to see how she became a Christian for months only to turn back to Buddhist practices. My thought... she wasn't ever a Christian, only probably went to Church. I'll stop here - that's for another blog :)

I found some practical uses in this article for my own running life.  This Buddhist teacher talked about trying to focus on your breathing or your steps as you run.  Now I take things with a grain of salt and I'm not a believer in mixing religions to find the concoction that suits your life, however, I didn't find what was being said to be offensive.  I had to laugh though, the rest of the article did sound Utopian and like an out of body experience.  I was expecting to hear about how she had petted unicorns and ate lunch with the leprechauns while sitting on that magical rainbow. Ha, okay that's a little unfair. :)

After reading that article, however, I learned quite a bit and took some good advice from some experienced runners, but I left the article feeling empty for them as if they hadn't really tapped into the best resource.  Buddhism definitely seems to be an altruistic, "I'm going to bring myself peace and happiness" when unfortunately they are not tapping into the greatest resource of happiness and joy.  My joy comes from the Lord. It's not something I have to create for myself or fake when I don't feel like it.

But (back to running :) I figured if I can learn to run better then great.  If I can learn to be disciplined fantastic.  And that's what I took from the article along with a few other pieces of advice. Because of the advice of a friend I gave myself permission to slow my pace down.  Realizing I had the right to modify my own running was okay and who was going to criticize me for that? So I did, I slowed down my pace.  I also learned eating fiber can cause stomach cramping and since I eat nearly 100% of fiber everyday, that bit of information helped tremendously. Note to self: don't eat fiber one cereal, take fiber supplements on running days! Lastly, I discovered it was necessary to give my mind a mental warm-up and I decided it was time to walk for about 5 minutes before I actually ran.  And I needed that mental warm-up this week.  I had so much anxiety before running each time that I felt as if I had knots in my stomach - I had no confidence in myself. But after that brief walk, I felt prepared to go and endure the run.  In fact, there was a bit of excitement about the challenging run I was about to endure.

With those "tips" and honest to goodness God's help - I was able to accomplish it.  There was such a sense of victory at the end - I wanted to pump my fist in the air and shout - yeah, God that was for you! But it wasn't about what I did, it was what God's given me the strength to do and has allowed to do through me.  Now that's transcendental.

Do not call to mind former things, or ponder things of the past {Isaiah 43:18}

Okay.  Haven't thought of a catchy title yet.  That will wait to the end.  Well, I'm attempting to get back in a routine.  This past week I had the awesome opportunity to go to Washington D.C. as a chaperone for the second year in a row.  This year I slept much better. Anyway, it was extremely difficult to keep up a workout schedule on the road.  I was able to run once, kind of, I had to walk because I can't hold a conversation and run at the same time.  And I lifted once.  So coming back to good ol' Indiana made me a little apprehensive this week to start running again.  Especially the previous seven days.  Last week was awful.  I am pretty sure that even my fingertips hurt when I ran.  It was bad.


Wednesday this week I decided to hit the treadmill.  Of course, like every week, I needed to increase my time.  Anxiety was with me like the plague. I seriously had some concern which could be equated to the same kind of nervousness in my stomach when I would start my first game of the season.  But after a quick pep talk I got on and was able to keep going. Friday came, got super anxious and somehow managed to run through my time.  


I think what becomes difficult for me is the fact that I still don't see myself as a runner.    I reach those points of desperation when I just want to yell, "For the love, when is this torture going to be over!!?" So then those questions come up, why am I running? Why am I doing this?  I don't really enjoy feeling pain in my calves or dote in the fact I am just trying to make it from minute to minute.  


It wasn't yesterday, but there are days that I just feel like crying when I run.  I'm not really a "crier" either. My body just wants to yell... I can't do this! I don't want to this! Just stop! Who thought this was a good idea? What are you doing? You are not a runner!  


It was after my run on Friday that I realized something though.  It's not that I'm not a runner, it's just I haven't practiced my entire life.  This is new for me and despite the fact I've worked out the majority of my life, I'm doing something different. For those of you who have the pride to say that you are a runner, you just feel good when you run, congratulations.  As for me, it will take time. I AM a runner, maybe not a good one, professional one, or a seasoned one, but I am running.  It's time that I see myself that way.  


This revelation has given me spiritual insight. Funny how God teaches me lessons by having the same idea occur and appear several times before I finally get that He is trying to teach me some spiritual truth.   It's like becoming a Christian or trying to overcome some stronghold in your life.  It's difficult at first to see that you are indeed a new creation. {Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 2 Corinthians 5:17} That's the awesome power of God's redeeming love. It's funny how God is showing me this too, because my devotions this morning were about overcoming unbelief. Huh. Interesting. Okay God, get it.  Now it's time to practice that truth.