{Psalm 31:14}
But I trust in you, O LORD; I say "You are my God."
Seven days later, and I am blown away by God's faithfulness. I shouldn't be, I know God is faithful, but wow, when he comes through it's nothing short of amazing. So last week at this time I had more gray hairs appear than I had in months (years, even!) To recap, in case you didn't read my last post, no passport, no shots, no teacher license, no phone, lens broke and low funds for my trip. And on Thursday, I needed to add $1000 car bill because air conditioning and alternator went out.
God provided and abundantly blessed me so much that I wanted to make sure I share about His provisions. First of all, my camera lens. Very essential to have and use when I'm so busy doing photography this summer as a job! As I was coming home, I noticed it wasn't really working, frustrated I thought what am I going to do? But for some reason earlier that week I had decided to rent another lens because I was looking to buy it. Anyway, guess when that lens was due to arrive?? THE NEXT DAY! WOW!
As for the funds, I got an update from my church, and support from people I didn't really even know! Last week, God provided another $625 and like I said, some was from people I didn't know or weren't very close to, but wanted to support me anyway! I'm blown away by that kind of generosity! I still have $1685 to go, but how last week really lifted my spirits. I should also mention I feel blessed by anything that people have chosen to give me, prayers, $5, whatever... I am blessed!
Still waiting on the passport, but the good news, after calling twice, is that they finally have all the correct documents. That in itself is a hoop-la and a long story, but the fact they have everything I need gives me peace of mind.
Teacher license got approved. Apparently, there were two applications open... somehow. So whatever, I have a job this fall still :)
Shots. I don't like shots. I HATE SHOTS. After last week running around like a chicken with my head cut off (oh yeah, this is the time my A/C stopped working too in stop and go traffic) I got my appointment set and went. I was supposed to get 5 shots, but the nurse didn't think the records I gave her were correct so she checked with the state. Found out, I really only needed two! WOOHOO! I, a 26- year-old, let out a squeal of excitement and high-fived the nurse. She told me I could take pills for the Typhoid since I had already had it a couple of years ago. Boo -yah!
As for the car, it was a bad situation gone to worse. We took the car into the shop and it was driveable. We went to take the car home (and wait for the repairs until my trip was paid for) and it didn't drive home at all. Great. $1000 and my car doesn't work. Fantastic. Well, we got it charged up overnight, picked it up the next day and got it home. Galen, who is so good about anything mechanical, tore into the car himself the next night. Changed the alternator and the car worked great. Better yet, the A/C started working!! Galen didn't do anything with the air because he didn't know how to change a dead compressor, but miraculously it started blowing ice cold air! Thanks God!
This is just a quick summation of the blessings I experienced, I can't even begin to mention all the little conversations and bits of encouragement I received from you all. Times that are trying can be difficult in ones faith because when I pray I tell God, you know I want to trust and believe you, but I don't want to sit here and sound like I'm trying to manipulate you into doing what I want. Luckily, I serve a God who isn't manipulated, but instead is just gracious and loving. I've been reading through the Psalms and can relate to David. One chapter David is proclaiming victory over his enemies and the next he is asking God, when? When will you vindicate me? That has been my own walk this week.
"Even if we are faithless, he remains faithful, for he cannot disown himself" 2 Timothy 2:13
Rasler Ramblings
Monday, July 25, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
I must have a giant X on my back...
because my stress level and plate load is getting quite heavy. And by giant X on my back, I'm referring to the fact that I'm leaving on a missions trip in two weeks. I don't know if any of you can relate, but I feel like I'm the type of person who can deal with stressful situations for awhile, even a LONG while, and then it's one more thing and I lose it. Of course, like many of you, I like to have it together. Unfortunately, I sometimes go on through life trying to juggle this balancing act. People may offer to help, but no, it's okay I got it. Did I also mention I'm stubborn and independent, too? Fatal combination I fear.
Through all the years of Christian education, sermons and various other trips I've been on, I'm very aware of the fact there is spiritual warfare. Satan doesn't want ministry to take place, instead he'd rather keep me from doing anything at all. Now do I realize stressful situations occur to other people who aren't going on trips? Absolutely, but within the last week all of these things have taken place.
But Ihave learned am still learning to depend upon God. So many times God has provided what I've needed when I needed it (and not when I THOUGHT I did.) Anyway, I often find myself in between trusting God and asking, when Lord, WHEN? I'm learning to practice patience in the process. God, did I ask for that? Because if I did, I take it back! Just kidding! But seriously.... :)
I have a list below of seemingly stressful situations, one in and of itself isn't so bad, but I keep getting handed plates and the load is getting heavy.
What's on my plate you may ask? Here's a brief list.
-Dropped my phone in the toilet, and no I didn't have that expensive insurance
-Buying a new phone
-A/C in car just went out
-Battery light on car turned on
-one of my lenses for my camera broke or doesn't work or whatever you want to say
-Need to get my shots for my trip
-Haven't gotten my passport back yet
-Need to raise $2300 for my Asia's Hope trip that I leave for in TWO weeks
Today as I was driving to the grocery store, I just started to get teary eyed. Ahhhhhhhhhhh, I can't do this I prayed. Then I asked God if he had any blessings in store for me today, I could certainly use them. Later when I went to the grocery store, I was putting back a regular pack of Pepsi for diet when an older Pepsi man, who was standing there, said I'd be charged a $5 restocking fee. I looked at him and smiled and said, "Oh yeah?" He started laughing and so did I. It felt so good to laugh I almost started crying. It may sound silly to you, but I really needed to laugh.
After being at Momentum this week one of the speakers, David Nasser, said something very profound. He said, "I'm not doubting that the thing you are facing is bigger than you, I'm just reminding you that my God is bigger than your situation." Praying I remember that truth today.
Through all the years of Christian education, sermons and various other trips I've been on, I'm very aware of the fact there is spiritual warfare. Satan doesn't want ministry to take place, instead he'd rather keep me from doing anything at all. Now do I realize stressful situations occur to other people who aren't going on trips? Absolutely, but within the last week all of these things have taken place.
But I
I have a list below of seemingly stressful situations, one in and of itself isn't so bad, but I keep getting handed plates and the load is getting heavy.
What's on my plate you may ask? Here's a brief list.
-Dropped my phone in the toilet, and no I didn't have that expensive insurance
-Buying a new phone
-A/C in car just went out
-Battery light on car turned on
-one of my lenses for my camera broke or doesn't work or whatever you want to say
-Need to get my shots for my trip
-Haven't gotten my passport back yet
-Need to raise $2300 for my Asia's Hope trip that I leave for in TWO weeks
Today as I was driving to the grocery store, I just started to get teary eyed. Ahhhhhhhhhhh, I can't do this I prayed. Then I asked God if he had any blessings in store for me today, I could certainly use them. Later when I went to the grocery store, I was putting back a regular pack of Pepsi for diet when an older Pepsi man, who was standing there, said I'd be charged a $5 restocking fee. I looked at him and smiled and said, "Oh yeah?" He started laughing and so did I. It felt so good to laugh I almost started crying. It may sound silly to you, but I really needed to laugh.
After being at Momentum this week one of the speakers, David Nasser, said something very profound. He said, "I'm not doubting that the thing you are facing is bigger than you, I'm just reminding you that my God is bigger than your situation." Praying I remember that truth today.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Preparing for Thailand & Cambodia
Quick little update on my trip to Thailand & Cambodia. Just over 4 weeks til I leave. Oh my gosh. I have shots to get and I just sent in for my passport. Yeah, I really like to make my life more stressful sometimes...!
Anyway, wanted to give a quick update on how prepping for this trip is going. I first of all have to say THANK YOU to all who have supported me financially. So far, I have $1050 (nearly a third) raised for my trip!! What a blessing! I am so thrilled and grateful for those who've said they'd give and those who've said they will be praying. I couldn't do this trip without your support... so thank you, thank you, thank you! And just thanks for reading this blog! :)
Little sidenote here, if you'd like to support me, we will be having a car wash THIS WEEKEND {July 2nd} Here is the information from facebook ... Asia's Hope Car Wash. I'd love to see you there. It's just downtown Goshen at the Wagon Wheel parking lot. Or you can always send in money to my church (check my last post for information) it's not to late to give! :)
I'm really shocked this trip is coming up so quickly and has really begun forcing me to focus. In our informational meeting about this trip, Pastor Jim warned that as soon as we commit to going on this trip a large X will appear on our back and we can start expecting things to go wrong. It would be satan's attempt to discourage our resolve to go. Well, I have thought about that statement quite a bit and have gone on enough trips to understand what Pastor Jim was talking about. But this time around, (at least not so far), I'm not feeling like my world is colliding and falling a part. But satan doesn't have to do that. All he has to do is keep me from spending time with God. And unfortunately, with a change in schedule and routine, (school's out for summer, photography is keeping me busy) I have found myself spending less and less time with God. So while I have been prepared for the world to collapse, I haven't been good about protecting my time with God. And that needs to change.
I know I'm so on again, off again about blogging (but when you have two to keep up with.... :) but I am going to attempt to blog about how God is preparing my heart for this trip. I'd love it if you'd stay tuned and keep me accountable.
That's all for now. Be blessed! :)
Anyway, wanted to give a quick update on how prepping for this trip is going. I first of all have to say THANK YOU to all who have supported me financially. So far, I have $1050 (nearly a third) raised for my trip!! What a blessing! I am so thrilled and grateful for those who've said they'd give and those who've said they will be praying. I couldn't do this trip without your support... so thank you, thank you, thank you! And just thanks for reading this blog! :)
Little sidenote here, if you'd like to support me, we will be having a car wash THIS WEEKEND {July 2nd} Here is the information from facebook ... Asia's Hope Car Wash. I'd love to see you there. It's just downtown Goshen at the Wagon Wheel parking lot. Or you can always send in money to my church (check my last post for information) it's not to late to give! :)
I'm really shocked this trip is coming up so quickly and has really begun forcing me to focus. In our informational meeting about this trip, Pastor Jim warned that as soon as we commit to going on this trip a large X will appear on our back and we can start expecting things to go wrong. It would be satan's attempt to discourage our resolve to go. Well, I have thought about that statement quite a bit and have gone on enough trips to understand what Pastor Jim was talking about. But this time around, (at least not so far), I'm not feeling like my world is colliding and falling a part. But satan doesn't have to do that. All he has to do is keep me from spending time with God. And unfortunately, with a change in schedule and routine, (school's out for summer, photography is keeping me busy) I have found myself spending less and less time with God. So while I have been prepared for the world to collapse, I haven't been good about protecting my time with God. And that needs to change.
I know I'm so on again, off again about blogging (but when you have two to keep up with.... :) but I am going to attempt to blog about how God is preparing my heart for this trip. I'd love it if you'd stay tuned and keep me accountable.
That's all for now. Be blessed! :)
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
I could use your help :)
I have recently, VERY recently, decided to go with my church to Thailand & Cambodia to visit Asia's Hope. As a church, we have two orphanages we sponsor specifically. A couple of years ago, before Galen & I started attending Grace, our pastor challenged our church to raise enough money to build another orphanage for Asia's Hope. They were so moved that they raised enough for TWO orphanages that Sunday morning! Ever since then, our church has seen these kids as OUR kids, OUR responsibility. So about every 9 or 10 months another group from Grace goes over just to love on those kids. We'll also help with whatever projects need to be worked on. This past Spring, our church was once again challenged and we raised enough money to build a home for one of our orphanges. Before they had only rented their building.
Personally, I've been really excited and challenged to go. Reading the book Heaven is For Real by 4 year old Colton Burpo (actually written by dad, but about his young son's story) tells his dad that Jesus really loves kids. He continues to remind his parents about that truth throughout the book, and when I questioned if God really wanted me to do this I heard, "Kelli, Jesus REALLY loves children." And after losing my child last year, I am ready to go love on others who don't have parents of their own.
This trip will cost $3500. I'm excited to say, I have a tenth of it already paid for! Woohoo! Galen & I are prepared to make our own financial contribution to this trip, but we can't do it all. And this is where I could use your help. Would you PRAYERFULLY consider giving any amount? If I had 320 people give $10 or 160 give $20 I could have this trip paid for in full! But here's the thing, I don't want you to feel guilty. You can't help everyone and if you're like me, we always get support letters. So if you don't feel like God is leading you to give, that's fine. We are still friends :) But if you could give any amount, even just $10, it'd be appreciated!
Thanks for reading!
-Kelli
If you would like to give you can copy and paste the bottom portion of this and mail it in with a check:
Kelli Rasler
Thailand & Cambodia
Asia’s Hope
Name and address: __________________________________________________________________________
Phone: __________________________________
Email: ___________________________________________
I would like to donate
____$10_____$25 _____$50 _____$75 _____$100 ______ Other
Please make checks payable to Grace Community Church. Please send this form with your check to:
Grace Community Church
20076 CR 36
Goshen, IN 46526
Your contribution will be tax deductible, just make sure you don't put my name on the check! Thanks! :)
Personally, I've been really excited and challenged to go. Reading the book Heaven is For Real by 4 year old Colton Burpo (actually written by dad, but about his young son's story) tells his dad that Jesus really loves kids. He continues to remind his parents about that truth throughout the book, and when I questioned if God really wanted me to do this I heard, "Kelli, Jesus REALLY loves children." And after losing my child last year, I am ready to go love on others who don't have parents of their own.
This trip will cost $3500. I'm excited to say, I have a tenth of it already paid for! Woohoo! Galen & I are prepared to make our own financial contribution to this trip, but we can't do it all. And this is where I could use your help. Would you PRAYERFULLY consider giving any amount? If I had 320 people give $10 or 160 give $20 I could have this trip paid for in full! But here's the thing, I don't want you to feel guilty. You can't help everyone and if you're like me, we always get support letters. So if you don't feel like God is leading you to give, that's fine. We are still friends :) But if you could give any amount, even just $10, it'd be appreciated!
Thanks for reading!
-Kelli
If you would like to give you can copy and paste the bottom portion of this and mail it in with a check:
Kelli Rasler
Thailand & Cambodia
Asia’s Hope
Name and address: __________________________________________________________________________
Phone: __________________________________
Email: ___________________________________________
I would like to donate
____$10_____$25 _____$50 _____$75 _____$100 ______ Other
Please make checks payable to Grace Community Church. Please send this form with your check to:
Grace Community Church
20076 CR 36
Goshen, IN 46526
Your contribution will be tax deductible, just make sure you don't put my name on the check! Thanks! :)
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Goals 2011
Luke 2:52 -“And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man."
Here is my list... accountability welcome!
Wisdom
- read the paper 5 x a week
- read 3 books about Christian apologetics
- read 12 books this year
- read a proverb every day
God
- do devotions 5 x a week
- pray every night before bed
- spend one time a week journaling/reflecting what God has done in my life
Stature
- run 3 5ks’ this year
- Get back to my 140lb weight
- get back to my old 6-7 hours a week of workouts
- give up pop completely
- give up chocolate for a week
- eat at least one serving of vegetables every day (oh boy)
Man
- contact 4 different people a week to check in with them and pray for them specifically
- Go on some sort of short term missions trip this year
- Share my faith with 12 people this year
- Give $---- away (I have dollar amount set aside)
-Write my compassion child 6 times this year
Other
- develop my photography skills and take a class
- catch up on my scrapbooking
- pray about and pay off school loans ($20,047 to go!!)
Here is my list... accountability welcome!
Wisdom
- read the paper 5 x a week
- read 3 books about Christian apologetics
- read 12 books this year
- read a proverb every day
God
- do devotions 5 x a week
- pray every night before bed
- spend one time a week journaling/reflecting what God has done in my life
Stature
- run 3 5ks’ this year
- Get back to my 140lb weight
- get back to my old 6-7 hours a week of workouts
- give up pop completely
- give up chocolate for a week
- eat at least one serving of vegetables every day (oh boy)
Man
- contact 4 different people a week to check in with them and pray for them specifically
- Go on some sort of short term missions trip this year
- Share my faith with 12 people this year
- Give $---- away (I have dollar amount set aside)
-Write my compassion child 6 times this year
Other
- develop my photography skills and take a class
- catch up on my scrapbooking
- pray about and pay off school loans ($20,047 to go!!)
Monday, December 6, 2010
Tangled: Hope long awaited
The other night for our date, Galen and I went to see Tangled. We hardly ever go to movies, but the sweet happily ever after princess movie in 3D just seemed impossible for us not to go. Well, me anyways. Like many fairy tales twisted with the Disney spin, the fair maiden was born with magical power, stolen as a child, locked in a tower, raised by another woman, is mistakenly found, escapes the tower and is reunited with her real parents... and of course, lives happily ever after. Not with Prince Charming though, a former thief.
Anyway, not the point. So this blog isn't to be a critique on the movie, however, it was very enjoyable and the music was good. This blog is intended to reveal the message I got from it. At the end of the movie, when Rapunzel is finally reunited with her royal parents, there is a moment where they stare at each other in a surreal sort of way. After a few seconds, mother and daughter hug and dad quickly joins in. There is weeping and smiles. Except it wasn't just the cartoon characters who were weeping. I was a red hot weeping mess.
Last week, after going to a friends candle party, I met a woman and I was talking to her about my miscarriage. She shared with me a story about a boy who died. He had appendicitis and died. Fortunately, he was able to be revived. After coming back to, the little boy was able to tell his parents what he had seen. He met poppy (a beloved relative in which the child never met on Earth). The other surprising revelation was that when he came back he asked his parents if they knew that he had a sister. He said that he had met her and she had told him that she had to leave when she was in her mommy's womb.
If I haven't explained myself clearly enough, let me do that now. I feel in some ways that my baby was taken from me. And I know where my child is currently, not wandering in space, not stolen, nor locked up in a tower somewhere, but in Heaven. Anyway, what hit me was seeing Rapunzel reunite with her parents. I realized, in such a transparent way, that I too would be reunited with my child. Maybe tomorrow, maybe 50 years from now.
Watching that movie really reassured me and I continued to realize that I can have hope. Not only hope to go to Heaven some day, but hope to see my baby and get to know him/her. This revelation became so obvious and real to me that that is the reason I sat there and cried. I am so thankful for that hope, without it, I don't know how I could heal.
Anyway, not the point. So this blog isn't to be a critique on the movie, however, it was very enjoyable and the music was good. This blog is intended to reveal the message I got from it. At the end of the movie, when Rapunzel is finally reunited with her royal parents, there is a moment where they stare at each other in a surreal sort of way. After a few seconds, mother and daughter hug and dad quickly joins in. There is weeping and smiles. Except it wasn't just the cartoon characters who were weeping. I was a red hot weeping mess.
Last week, after going to a friends candle party, I met a woman and I was talking to her about my miscarriage. She shared with me a story about a boy who died. He had appendicitis and died. Fortunately, he was able to be revived. After coming back to, the little boy was able to tell his parents what he had seen. He met poppy (a beloved relative in which the child never met on Earth). The other surprising revelation was that when he came back he asked his parents if they knew that he had a sister. He said that he had met her and she had told him that she had to leave when she was in her mommy's womb.
If I haven't explained myself clearly enough, let me do that now. I feel in some ways that my baby was taken from me. And I know where my child is currently, not wandering in space, not stolen, nor locked up in a tower somewhere, but in Heaven. Anyway, what hit me was seeing Rapunzel reunite with her parents. I realized, in such a transparent way, that I too would be reunited with my child. Maybe tomorrow, maybe 50 years from now.
Watching that movie really reassured me and I continued to realize that I can have hope. Not only hope to go to Heaven some day, but hope to see my baby and get to know him/her. This revelation became so obvious and real to me that that is the reason I sat there and cried. I am so thankful for that hope, without it, I don't know how I could heal.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Being grateful
The intention was to write this blog closer to the end of November to sum up how I'm thankful for so many "things". But it's already December, so I'm behind. It is what it is. :)
Christ. Without trying to sound like some cliche Christian who thanks God for everything, I want to really write my genuine feelings. Not that there is anything wrong with people who are thankful to God, but I want to perhaps be a little bit more specific and explain why. When I think about what Christ has done for me, died in my place, it's hard to reason. I don't understand why Christ loves me (and you) so very much, because I know me and I'm not very lovable (if I'm honest with myself). I am just so thankful that I can do NOTHING to earn my salvation, but humbly and simply accept it as a gift alone. What amazing freedom and grace God has extended to me. No matter how often I saw this to people or on facebook or whatever, I want to say it again. Christ's death and resurrection is a tremendous gift. Him choosing the cross in hopes that I (and you) may believe in Him and be able to spend eternity with the very one who created me is... incredible. My words are lacking the expression I was hoping for, but I hope you can gather what I'm trying to say. Anyway, the day I stop showing my gratitude for this act of kindness is the day I've forgotten how truly wretched and unrighteous I am and lost sight of just how holy and perfect my God is. So it is with that that I am thankful for Christ for the ultimate gift and I attribute the rest of the "things" below as abundant blessings from Him.
Husband/Family. I am so thankful for Galen. Wow. He's just the best kind of guy you can get. He is truly my best friend. Before we dated, we were friends, and that was one of the coolest aspects about dating. I just got to hang out with this guy who made me laugh, who I made laugh and yet could talk about the craziest topics together. He is so not like me. He is better. When I think about how he should react to: what I said or what I did he always surprises me. Instead of being angry, he is understanding; instead of walking away, he is understanding and listens; instead of trying to talk his way into an answer, he just holds me; instead of being stressed out, he prays.
My family and his family have also been such a great blessing. Our families have just been a tremendous support to us as we got dated, got married and went through so many other stages in our lives. They continue to support us and show us what marriage is really like and what it means to stick it out - even when it gets difficult. They have both shown us what it means to be generous, what it means to think of others first. I find myself blessed to have the parents I do and to have the in laws. I am also so incredibly thankful that this time of year isn't miserable for me. It can be for a lot of people, but I truly enjoy my family, my in-laws and outlaws, too. :)
Things. I have been so convicted about this list I'm about to share with you. I find that I have many tangible things to be thankful for and I quickly realize that I am not concerning myself enough with other people and their needs. This year: God blessed us with renting a house cheaper than our apartment, a dog (who has been truly a blessing and helped me with healing), dishwasher #2 :), more clothes, a new camera, a car that still runs (9 years and going strong), a warm home, a getaway to Chicago, a vacation to Florida, extra hours for Galen to work, a gym membership, a job for me that I love, plenty of Christmas decorations, internet at home, food in the cupboards and so much more.
Miscarriage. I have to be very careful when I put this under my list of things to be thankful for. Please don't misinterpret this placement. I never would have chosen to go through what I have, it has been painful and difficult in so many more ways than I realized. But because of what I went through, I have certainly learned so much. Mind you, I am still healing, I'm still dealing with my loss, and I still find it heart-wrenching to be around babies and pregnant women. However, my eyes have been opened. I would still not classify myself as a compassionate person (there are so many more who are better at it than me!), but I feel that I can empathize so much more with people. People who've lost a loved one, women who've lost a child, or people who have depression. If you don't know me by now, I'll tell you that I'm very independent and stubborn. At least up until the last couple of months. I've had to let some of that go because I knew how broken I was and I couldn't afford people not to help me. I've been humbled by the generosity of others. The fact I could pride myself on working out 6-7 hours a week quickly became the sad reality of being lucky to put on my sports bra. My heart and compassion have grown. I understand why people who are depressed can't just do it. (I never would've gotten it before, like I said, I was a driven, independent, "want-it-fixed-do-something-about-it-kind-of-person". Sometimes it takes everything I have just to make it through the day. Some days I feel like an outcast. In my group of friends, I don't belong to either of the groups that exist. Those that want and have children or those that aren't ready to start a family. What about me?
So I have learned what it feels like not to belong - to question how you fit in even with the people who accept you. I've learned that it feels nice to be checked up on once in awhile. It feels nice to have people listen to you and not tell you anything more.
The journey has been painful, but what is done is done. Through this hurt, I can rest in the fact that I will see my baby again some day and spend time with him/her for all eternity. I know my baby is safely resting in the arms of Jesus.
I am blessed.
Christ. Without trying to sound like some cliche Christian who thanks God for everything, I want to really write my genuine feelings. Not that there is anything wrong with people who are thankful to God, but I want to perhaps be a little bit more specific and explain why. When I think about what Christ has done for me, died in my place, it's hard to reason. I don't understand why Christ loves me (and you) so very much, because I know me and I'm not very lovable (if I'm honest with myself). I am just so thankful that I can do NOTHING to earn my salvation, but humbly and simply accept it as a gift alone. What amazing freedom and grace God has extended to me. No matter how often I saw this to people or on facebook or whatever, I want to say it again. Christ's death and resurrection is a tremendous gift. Him choosing the cross in hopes that I (and you) may believe in Him and be able to spend eternity with the very one who created me is... incredible. My words are lacking the expression I was hoping for, but I hope you can gather what I'm trying to say. Anyway, the day I stop showing my gratitude for this act of kindness is the day I've forgotten how truly wretched and unrighteous I am and lost sight of just how holy and perfect my God is. So it is with that that I am thankful for Christ for the ultimate gift and I attribute the rest of the "things" below as abundant blessings from Him.
Husband/Family. I am so thankful for Galen. Wow. He's just the best kind of guy you can get. He is truly my best friend. Before we dated, we were friends, and that was one of the coolest aspects about dating. I just got to hang out with this guy who made me laugh, who I made laugh and yet could talk about the craziest topics together. He is so not like me. He is better. When I think about how he should react to: what I said or what I did he always surprises me. Instead of being angry, he is understanding; instead of walking away, he is understanding and listens; instead of trying to talk his way into an answer, he just holds me; instead of being stressed out, he prays.
My family and his family have also been such a great blessing. Our families have just been a tremendous support to us as we got dated, got married and went through so many other stages in our lives. They continue to support us and show us what marriage is really like and what it means to stick it out - even when it gets difficult. They have both shown us what it means to be generous, what it means to think of others first. I find myself blessed to have the parents I do and to have the in laws. I am also so incredibly thankful that this time of year isn't miserable for me. It can be for a lot of people, but I truly enjoy my family, my in-laws and outlaws, too. :)
Things. I have been so convicted about this list I'm about to share with you. I find that I have many tangible things to be thankful for and I quickly realize that I am not concerning myself enough with other people and their needs. This year: God blessed us with renting a house cheaper than our apartment, a dog (who has been truly a blessing and helped me with healing), dishwasher #2 :), more clothes, a new camera, a car that still runs (9 years and going strong), a warm home, a getaway to Chicago, a vacation to Florida, extra hours for Galen to work, a gym membership, a job for me that I love, plenty of Christmas decorations, internet at home, food in the cupboards and so much more.
Miscarriage. I have to be very careful when I put this under my list of things to be thankful for. Please don't misinterpret this placement. I never would have chosen to go through what I have, it has been painful and difficult in so many more ways than I realized. But because of what I went through, I have certainly learned so much. Mind you, I am still healing, I'm still dealing with my loss, and I still find it heart-wrenching to be around babies and pregnant women. However, my eyes have been opened. I would still not classify myself as a compassionate person (there are so many more who are better at it than me!), but I feel that I can empathize so much more with people. People who've lost a loved one, women who've lost a child, or people who have depression. If you don't know me by now, I'll tell you that I'm very independent and stubborn. At least up until the last couple of months. I've had to let some of that go because I knew how broken I was and I couldn't afford people not to help me. I've been humbled by the generosity of others. The fact I could pride myself on working out 6-7 hours a week quickly became the sad reality of being lucky to put on my sports bra. My heart and compassion have grown. I understand why people who are depressed can't just do it. (I never would've gotten it before, like I said, I was a driven, independent, "want-it-fixed-do-something-about-it-kind-of-person". Sometimes it takes everything I have just to make it through the day. Some days I feel like an outcast. In my group of friends, I don't belong to either of the groups that exist. Those that want and have children or those that aren't ready to start a family. What about me?
So I have learned what it feels like not to belong - to question how you fit in even with the people who accept you. I've learned that it feels nice to be checked up on once in awhile. It feels nice to have people listen to you and not tell you anything more.
The journey has been painful, but what is done is done. Through this hurt, I can rest in the fact that I will see my baby again some day and spend time with him/her for all eternity. I know my baby is safely resting in the arms of Jesus.
I am blessed.
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